1. Don't get pulled in by false advertising. The adverts may say there are suits to try on but ITS ALL LIES! Don't bother putting on your Sunday best because wedding fairs are very much designed with the bride in mind.
2. Try not to be hungover when attending a wedding fair, instead maintain a constant level of alcohol intake. I made the mistake of being a hungover mess, a wedding fair intensified the horrific feeling that loomed deep within.
3. You must maintain a level of interest for the first 10 minutes. Pretend you love bunting, pretend you love the wedding stationery designed by the sellers primary school children...its got to be oscar worthy here. After this 10 minute window has passed, your partner will be gushing over all manner of things and will have forgotten you exist. Escape while you have the chance, find the cafe, have a cup of tea and sit there, head in hands, contemplating what you have done.
4. Forget your wallet. Oldest trick in the book but works a charm, you really don't need a chicken wedding cake in your life (they apparently exist, find me proof and you can have a signed photo of me).
5. Don't show any sign of opinion, unless it matches hers. You want an easy life here, why try and spoil it by suggesting practical measures that put a dampener on her idea to enter the venue in a human cannon.
6. Expect to come home with leaflets, a lot of leaflets containing such classic advertising as custom made save the date cards (see below). These will be discarded all over your property. I have taken to slyly recycling them, but just be mindful that this may come back to haunt when your future partner decides she really needs the details of that Wham tribute act as the wedding band.
Thank you and apologies for the short one. I leave you with the best wedding invite ever.
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