Forum etiquette: a guide

The internet is a wonderful, wonderful thing. We can make money online then blow it all on eBay. We can sign up for credit cards and loans faster than we can get to the fridge and back for another Coke. We can even talk to people all over the world. This, my friends, is what I want to discuss today. Internet forums have been around since roughly the dawn of internet time, but there's a worrying amount of people out there who just don't know how to use them. Fear not, readers! Once again I am here to save the day with a handy guide!

Pick your forum wisely

What do you want to talk about? 1930's plant pots? Dogs with three legs? Chewed through pen caps? Believe it or not, there will be a forum for you to discuss your love of tri-legged canines with at great length. Google is your friend.

Pick your screen name wisely

Obviously you want to pick something you like the sound of, but choose wisely! Remember, that name is all the other forum members will have to hang their opinion of you on, at first. Adding in extra asterisks and punctuation symbols may well look fancy, but I can assure you it'll do everyone else's heads in. Also, CHECK YOUR SPELLING. You don't want to mistype something and then have the horror of having a misspelled name forever. Forever on the internet is a long time.

Say hi

Most forums these days have a sub forum where you can introduce yourself. It is always worth doing this, just so everyone gets to see that you're around, and also to prove you're not a spam spewing robot (they're the worst kind). This way, once you've said hi you can jump into any other discussion without someone asking, 'Er, who are you?' Embarrassing.

Making your first thread

It's daunting, I agree. However, if you follow a few simple steps you'll be fine. One: Is the topic relevant/interesting? If you're on the three legged dog forum and you're trying to post pictures of your latest plant pot find, you're probably in the wrong place. Two: Are you putting it in the right area? Most forums have a wide array of sub forums, that keep like minded threads grouped neatly together. Yes, trying to impose order on the sprawling anarchy that is the net is a thankless task, but someone's got to do it. Three: Has it already been posted before? Do yourself a favour and use that 'search' function. If you don't, it's the law that someone will snarkily just copy/paste the link to the earlier thread in yours, and no one wants that.

Mind your manners

This being the internet, sooner or later you will come across someone with a differing opinion to you. Perhaps they will profess a love for Nickelback, or be really into collecting hub caps, or admit to eating babies. No matter how much you despise them for their hopelessly backwards ideals (Baby meat is very tender, you know. Nickelback is inexcusable), you must always be civil when debating the matter. Getting mad and calling them worse than Hitler will just make you look like another hopelessly backwards, foaming at the mouth basement dweller.

Enjoy

Make new friends, talk about your shared interests, have meet ups where you eat babies. It's all in good fun.