The end is nigh!

I'm afraid to say, you won't be getting a Monday Richard Review spectacular today. Why? Because this is going to be my last ever post on zombie outbreak!

Oh no, you all cry, don't leave us Monday Richard! How ever shall we live without you!?

Well that won't be a problem, I'm not leaving out of choice, but because this coming Saturday, may 21^st is the rapture, when approximately 3% of the world's population that are good and pure Christens will be taken to the kingdom of heaven.

As a outspoken atheist I won't be one of them, the following 5 months of hell on earth before the end of the world on October 21^st will most likely be too time consuming to continue with this blog I'm afraid, so I'm going to use this chance to say goodbye to you all.

Goodbye.

I love you all.

Goodbye.

If any of you dear readers live close to Birmingham England, who knows maybe we will find each other in the coming war against the assorted demons and fiends from the pits of hell and form the army of the damned to fight for our survival until our unavoidable doom in October.

Wait a second...

I have Avenue Q tickets for the 21^st of may... and I was hoping to go see the new Pirates of the Caribbean film that day also.. I wonder If I can find a loop hole in this rapture thing to get out of it.

This requires research, I'm going to need a montage.

OK Then.

This particular doom prediction comes from the Californian preacher Harold Camping who wrote a book called “Time has an end.” in this book Harold is saying confidently that the rapture will happen on the 21^st of may and he came to this date not through a spiritual encounter, but (drum roll please) using math!

Damn it, that settles it if he used math we must all be doomed... but just for the sake of argument, lets take a look at Harold's math.

According to Harold (and no one else as far as I can find) the Great flood happened in 4990BC, and in genesis 7:4 there is the prediction “seven days from now I will send rain to the earth” according to Harold, that's a prediction of the end of the world... pretty shaky so far, but I'll go with it. Now in Peter 3:8 it reads “with the lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day” from this Harold concludes that the end of the world will occur in 2011 7000 years on from 4990BC. (there is no year zero, so that math is actually correct even though it looks a year out)

He gets the date 21^st of may from the following. Genesis 7:11 reads “In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.” Harold takes the 17^th day of the second month mentions here to be the 21^st of may (??) and predicts the rapture to happen on this day.

I have actually read all his research on this, and this is the quote from his website as to why the 21^st of may is the 17^th day of the second month “Amazingly, May 21, 2011 is the 17^th day of the 2^nd month of the Biblical calendar of our day.” so that settles that... I guess...

But wait! There's more, there is another equation to be looked at,

According to Harold:

Atonement. = 5

Completeness. = 10

Heaven =17

So

(Atonement x completeness x heaven) squared = 722,500

Also according to Harold Jesus was hung from the cross on April 1^st 33AD.

The time between April 1^st 33AD and April 1^st 2011 is 1,978 years.

The number of days in a solar year is 365.2422.

so according to Harold 1978 x 365.2422 = 722500

the number of days between april 1^st and may 21^st is 51 days, so

1722500 + 51 = 722500!

Holy shit! Its exactly the same as your other equation Harold! You must be onto something! (so long as you ignore the .0716 left over in the second equation)

In my research I found another book by Harold camping called “1994?”

In this Harold states, that with out a shadow of doubt the end of the world will happen on (drum roll please) “The 4^th of September 1994”

Wait... what?

Oh I see, according to Harold his calculation was off that time, since then he has done more research and he is sure its right this time... so that's OK then.

Damn it looks like there is nothing I can do... except... I can fight fire with fire. Or more accurately I can fight the bible, with the bible!

Lets look at Matthew 24:3-36 i'm not going to quote the whole passage, but I'll give you the gist and the important part. Jesus is chilling out on the mount of olives when the disciples come up to him and are all like “Hey Jesus, when will the end happen?” and Jesus himself says “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the son, but only the father” Jesus himself says that no one will know the time of the end of the world, except for god himself.

So it does not matter how many hidden numbers you think you have found Harold, or how you manipulate them to suit you. If as you are quoted as saying "I know its absolutely true, because the bible is always absolutely true" You can not be right about the end of the world, Jesus said you won't know the date. Thanks Jesus!

So I guess I'll have to start thinking about what to write for next week then, and you can all forget about the part of this post when I said goodbye, I'll be here next week, with my reviews as normal.

If your an atheist like me. A thousand people a day predict when the end of the world is going to be, and none of them have been right so far. So just live the best you can and act according to how you want other people to see you.

If you a Christian, don't worry about anything I've said, if I'm wrong, I'm the one who will be left behind while you sit at the hand of god, but don't believe vultures like Harold either, the end of the world is big business and you can guarantee when may 22^nd rolls around Harold will tell us all how his calculations were wrong this time, and sell us all a new book.

I leave you with the words of Jesus Christ himself, Matthew 24:23-28

“At that time if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Messiah!’ or, ‘There he is!’ do not believe it. For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. See, I have told you ahead of time. “So if anyone tells you, ‘There he is, out in the wilderness,’ do not go out; or, ‘Here he is, in the inner rooms,’ do not believe it. For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. Wherever there is a carcass, there the vultures will gather.”