I went to London, yeah? And what?

Three things I like about London

1 – The transport
2 – The people
3 – The Restaurants

Three things I hate about London

1 – The transport
2 – The people
3 – The Restaurants

I don't enjoy London, it annoys me. I can stand being there for a short time, like being around elderly people, then I start twitching.
So ladies and genitalia, I bring you -

Hulse day out in London

Yesterday I made the big step and hopped on the train to visit this fine country's capital for what promised to be a day of tomfoolery and shenanigans.

There are certain rules I like to live my life by. One of the top rules is to give myself enough time to get to places, in my case at least 3 hours before, I am notorious for being late, I am always late for everything, Time keeping is simple maths and I am not down with maths yo.
When getting transport for a fixed time (planes, trains, boats) I have to give myself a 3 hour head start, you know, just in-case!
Leaving 40 minutes between exiting my house and getting to new street leads to scenarios where I leave my phone at home, throw a hissy fit, shout at David for not making me leave the house 3 hours earlier and end up getting into a taxi with a driver who appears to have a death wish.
Still we made it onto the train and I was able to get any frustrations out of my system by throwing abuse at David across the train ....dickhead.

Anyway the reason for the visit was to go and see the musical Wicked.
The plot is basically the following.
The main bird is green, everyone thinks she’s an evil freak but she's not, she's sound as a pound. However, they carry on thinking she's an evil freak until she does actually turn into a evil freak, as Karl Marks would say it's a 'self fulfilling prophecy'

It turns out she’s not an evil freak after all but everyone still thinks she’s an evil freak. You end where you started, there is some singing, some dancing and a man dressed as a goat.
I think it's got something to do with the Wizard of Oz.
To be honest, it was too hard to give Wicked my full attention as the man sitting next to me had a fucking kindle! And he was fucking reading it!
Half of me wanted to grab the thing off it and shove it down his throat, the other half of me wanted an ice cream.



I was then dragged from Victoria to Oxford Street in the boiling heat by my beloved, who's idea of a 35 minute walk is actually 2 hours. However it did present the opportunity to see the most Tory looking man I have ever seen as well as walk past all the designer clothes and expensive jewellery while not laying any hints.... well, apart from declaring “I want that”.
I also managed to walk down Oxford street without punching anyone in the face. So I was rather pleased with myself.

I was then treated to Lebanese food (or Labia food as I called it) but it turns out David only took me there because Keria Knightly once ate in there. My eyes, they rolled. while taking a stinky yet tasty Shewara (a posh kebab) back on the train home, much to the annoyance of everyone with in a 20ft radius with nostrils.

What did I learn from the day? London is rubbish, cramped and smells like wet dog - There is nothing quite like arriving back into New Street. Brum aint perfect but its home.