Old

When did I become old? Last night, me and a friend were sat in my living room when The Joy of Teen Sex came on (well done Channel 4, by the way, for being really creepy and commissioning this show). After yelling abuse at the TV for a couple of minutes, my friend came out with, ‘What the hell is wrong with them? Stupid kids!’ I nearly countered with ‘What?’ but then I realised I was a good eight or nine years older than everyone on the programme.

Oh God. When did this happen? Last month I turned 25 and got a lot of ribbing along the lines of ‘haha, you’re old’ and ‘now you’re a quarter of a century old!’ which I fended off, mainly by yelling ‘SHUT UP!’ and sticking my fingers in my ears. However, recent events keep making me face that yep, being in my mid twenties actually now makes me over the hill.

The first time I realised this was actually a few years ago, when I went to a local rock club with some friends. I went for a wander around the place and came to the conclusion that I must have been one of the oldest people there, at the grand old age of about 22 – 23. I shrugged this off though, because everyone sneaks into clubs when they’re underage. Hell, I did.

However, soon I couldn’t ignore the signs. Facebook soon informed me of all the former classmates who’d got married and/or had kids. I tried to shrug off this information by telling anyone who’d listen, ‘Why would I want to be married with kids now? I’m nowhere near old or mature enough for that!’ It was a different matter, though, when figures from my childhood started doing the same. Did you know the kid who played Chip in Beauty and the Beast has two kids now? And that all three members of Hanson are married with children now? That hit me rather hard, I was positive I was going to marry one of them when I was 12.

Films from my childhood are now coming back too, and reminding me I’m not 10 years old anymore. Yesterday, we discovered that Monsters Inc. 2 is being made, and that the kid who is returning to play Boo is now 15 years old. Let that sink in for a second. Toy Story 3 is another offender. Pixar knew damned well a huge portion of their audience would be the people who say the original Toy Story as children, and so reduced us all to blubbering wrecks in the theatres. The guy who played Andy also returned to play the part, and he’s been through college now! Argh!

I can try and cling onto my childhood for as long as I can, but I can’t escape the fact that my friends and family are growing up around me. At least two of my friends have had (very cute) children, and I attended my first friend’s wedding a couple of years ago. Everyone’s moving out of their parents’ homes and working on the careers while I’m still floundering around working out what I’m going to do with my life (FYI: Apparently ‘professional Sims 2 player and chocolate eater’ isn’t a real job).
I suppose I have to face the fact that soon I’ll be closer to 30 than 20, and that even though I still think I’m about 16, I’ll have to grow up. Until then, though, I’m going to hide under this duvet and play Cooking Mama. Go away.

-Friday Voni