Not to brag but im creating a foundation.

First off im currently listening to Lily Allen's - Back to the start. I watched that new Lily Allen program just and then ended up listening to her music. I wish she hadnt given it up. Anyway im creating a foundation with this blog sort of a fantasy.

But before I do ill go through my usual B.S :D

So this week I nearly died.
I was getting ready for bed and I was also on the phone to the Mrs at the time (nearly 8 months together). I pulled the blanket over as I was literally about to jump into bed and something moved. I freaked out and punched a passing orphan in the face. I looked down to see a massive and when I say massive, I'm talking MAHASSIVE spider in my bed. IN MY BED. Bitch obviously didn't know whos bed it was in, running round like it was goldie locks. So I screamed down the phone and then chucked my phone (don't ask why I did that) The spider started going shit happy all over my bed and then dissapeared.
Now im scared of spiders. I would much rather feed a small child to them then have to deal with one. So I started freaking out, panicking, and then it hit me. This bitch is going down. I moved my blacket with a mop handle I got from the kitchen, couldnt see it. Stood there for ages, couldnt see it. Until finally it reard its 8 legged ass at the end of my bed. Being the ninja that I am, I grabbed the hair spray and sprayed it to death. Once the hair spray mist had cleared it was there on the floor, perfectly positioned fringe and a nice boost to its perm. My trainer came down on it right away. The story ends there. Actually no 3 days later I received a letter from its wife apparently she was expecting and I had killed the father while it was doing the weekly shop. She has had to move out of her web into a lower rent web and is now selling herself to support the 24234 kids she now has. Bitch got owned.

Moving onwards. Me and Mrs were in birmingham the other day when we both started singing Lady Gaga's Born this way song. Then we changed the lyrics to a more panda related version. The next minute I had changed the entire lyrics. I think the WWF would appreciate them as if all Panda's heard them I think we wouldnt have the whole going extinct problem. So here they are:



You're a panda, YAY:

It doesnt matter if you love bam
or capital B.O.O
Because you're a panda baby
So put your paws up.

My mama told me when I was a cub
That you are nearly extinct
She groomed my hair, put my lipstick on
And told me open my legs

There is nothing wrong with showing your bra
It never hurts if you pretend
So hold your bamboo and recreate
Listen to me when I say

You're a panda. YAY
You're black white and grey
You're sliding down the bamboo baby
You need to get pregnant today

If you want to survive
Stop trying to hide
You need to open up your legs
You're a panda yay!

Ooo there aint no other way
Baby you are black, white grey
Unload your sack
Baby you're a panda yay!

Dont be extinct
just be a whore
dont be extinct
just be a whore
Dont be a

Learn how to dance and grind against another bear
Dirty panda except the truth
In the extinction of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital B.O.O (Black, white, grey)
I love my life, I dont want to be extinct
Shit I think im up the duff!

You're a panda. YAY
You're black white and grey
You're sliding down the bamboo baby
You need to get pregnant today

If you want to survive
Stop trying to hide
You need to open up your legs
You're a panda yay!

Ooo there aint no other way
Baby you are black, white grey
Unload your sack
Baby you're a panda yay!


Dont be extince just be a whore
whether they are broke or have no paw
You're black, white, grey, and almost extinct
So open your legs and let them in
You spend your life in the trees
And spend your days on bamboo leaves
You need to open your legs today
because you're a panda. YAY

No matter if you do die
Atleast you can try
And open your legs, panda.
You were born to survive
So unzip your flys
And give a sexy surprise
You're going extinct panda.
You are black white and grey.


No matter black, white or grey
Old, young or just gay
You're on the right track panda
You're black, white and grey!


And this therefore leads into my next stupid thing. I have been writing poems, songs, storys, articles etc etc etc for years now. I did actually take up a course in freelance journalism and went to uni for a year studying Journalism, but I left for reasons that shall not be discussed at this present time. (I found out I was 6 months pregnant)

I did quite well, as a Journalist I also went into photography as I thought it would be a perfect partner for the course. I ended up selling photography to starbucks and having articles published in various magazines and poems published in the Uk and U.S.A. I was a high roller on a mission to no where. And then drink and drugs (and the baby) took over and it all came crashing down. At one point I wanted to become a lyricist. Never really thinking anything would come of it. I ventured a few steps and gave up. However having looked through the folders of articles and shizzle on my laptop I have realised that to date I wrote over 100 songs over a 6-7 year period. Now thats not that much but it takes me ages to get an idea and go with it or its just the fact a new kitkat has come out and im eating those for 6 months.

Anyway I thought "This story is never going anywhere" and although I keep them I thought that maybe, just maybe. I'd post one, maybe two. Anyway I never intend to be a singer, I didnt write to be a singer, I actually wrote songs as it helps to get shizzle out and be calm and all that stuff. So this one time only (I think it will be this one time) im going to post a song I wrote. One song. One stupid song.

Although I must warn you. I do not want feedback on this, id much sooner you tell me that some supermarket has kitkats on offer at the moment as ive maxed out of places to get a deal on them and tbh momma has got to eat.

Actually no scrap it, you had 'You're a panda Yay' be happy with that and stop being greedy.

So selfish.

:D snuggles x

P.s Im actually working on the cover art for "You're a Panda, YAY". If you're reading those lyrics and they made you laugh then leave a comment in my slippery slope :D x