Film Review: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

*Insert pun relating the previous film's failings to it's title here.*

When it comes to the Transformers movies, I'm like a lot of people. I know that I'm probably going to be disappointed, and have all of my childish impressions of sheer, transforming-robot awesomeness obliterated by toilet humour, robots portraying negative racial stereotypes and talentless eye candy, but I cannot help but want to see it, and embrace it for the mindless, high-octane, giant-robots-beating-the-snot-out-of-each-other-in-pretty-graphics-on-a-big-screen experience that it is. This film was never going to be a cinematic masterpiece- purely because Michael Bay directed it- but it is still entertaining.

First of all, I must pick on the 3D. I was somewhat disappointed by it, particularly as it was the first full 3D film I had ever seen. Sure, I guess there was a little more depth to it, and every now and then the odd super-imposed ember or shard of glass looked effective, but I spent several collective minutes taking my 3D glasses on and off just so I could see the difference- which is equivalent to smearing my eyes with mud, and then me remarking afterwards how much better everything looks when I'm done wiping it off. Truth is it was okay, and there was some added clarity and a little more depth not seen in usual 2D pictures, but wasn't the immersive experience it had been advertised as being.

There is a present and definitely a lot more compelling plot than it's predecessor (I seriously can't even remember what Revenge of The Fallen was about), whereby the evil Decepticons essentially plan to bring their world to Earth and bring an all-out mechanical holocaust. Straight away, this is a bigger, more serious story arch, and the enormity of our heroes' plight is conveyed brilliantly- whomever directed Terminator Salvation and goes on to direct the next Terminator films whereby they attempt to portray a machine apocalypse should take notes from Dark of the Moon, because this is how it should be done. Oh yeah, and Sam's got a new love interest this time (Carly, played by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley). Was she in the last one? Because I seriously don't remember.

Megan Fox 2.0. Different hair, same need to eat a sandwich.

Of course, there has to be the obligatory comedy relief, which comes from several sources- and pretty much all of them are obnoxious and/or unnecessary. The two mini Autobots that Sam keeps in his house almost like pets are flat-out annoying and serve no purpose in this film. Then there's Agent Simmons, ever-present following the first two Transformers films. He didn't need to be in this, and he is hard to take seriously as an effective ally to Shia LaBeouf's Sam Witwicky when he was made to look like a goof in the first film alone. There are also Sam's parents, who were great in their own way in the first film (much like Allen's parents in Small Soldiers), but aren't really in keeping with the darker tone of the film, and Ken Jeong of The Hangover fame, who is the same character in every film. Shia LaBeouf is so great at bringing most of the comedy himself, anything more seems surplus to requirements.

Where this film thrives is in its fast-paced action sequences. The ones involving humans blowing up Transformers are not so much so, purely because if I've decided to suspend believe that these giant transforming robots are- for two hours and twenty minutes- real, and truly destructive, I therefore refuse to believe that a bunch of gung-ho marine grunts can take them down so easily. But, whenever there is action involving robot-on-robot crime, it's at its best, which is perhaps the most obvious thing I will say in this review.

Shockwave- by all accounts looks nothing like the one from the canon.
Who cares? He's still awesome.

The transformations remain impressive, the designs for the Transformers themselves look really cool (my personal favorites being the SUVs which puruse them on the highway, and Shockwave), and the fight scenes are awesome. They are particular clever in how they manage to mask the violence in a way which is appealing to older folks watching this 12-rated movie, by substituting really blood and gore with a "machine equivalent"- the machines "bleed" when wounded for example, but this is perhaps oil- they rip each others limbs off, but they are not really limbs. It's a great idea for a film which really needs to make sure all of its target audiences get to enjoy the action.

Congratulations Dark of the Moon- you are not the runt of the Transformers litter- that is reserved for Revenge of the Fallen, which was poor. However, the original is still the best of the three, and I still maintain a sequel was never necessary. But, this film is definitely worth watching, particularly if you're a fan of Transformers, action flicks or, y'know... talentless eye candy.