DragonVale

Here's a review for an awesome game on iOS systems that a lot of you may play, DragonVale! This was the very first review I did over on my blog, Donarex's iOS Review Corner. and since then a lot has changed to the gameplay. You can now breed dragons in a new Epic Breeding Island as well as the Breeding Cave, race your dragons at the Race Track and there have been new dragons added such as the rare Gemstone and Treasure dragons, as well as a new Metal base type!

DragonVale

Developers: Backflip Studios

iTunes Rating: 4.5 Stars (5370 ratings as of 20 Feb 12)

Game Center?: Yes

Version Details: 1.5.0 released 28 Jan 2012

Age Rating: 4+

Price: Free

The Main Screen

Film Review: Prometheus (2012)

Prepare to meet your maker.


When Ridley Scott came out and announced that he was going to be releasing a film set in the same universe as the iconic Alien franchise, in an instant a hype machine was born. In an instant, so much expectation was placed upon this picture's shoulders. In an instant, I knew it was a film I needed to see. Once the end credits began to roll, I had made my mind up that this film was fantastic.


The first thing that that I enjoyed about this film was it's scale. From the first scenes, the cinematography alone gives you the feeling that this is not going to be a cloistered, claustrophobic horror picture to the ilk of it's predecessors- and if this is what you came to see, you will be disappointed.

On the contrary, there is a sense of enormity, and I found myself feeling immersed into the world that Ridley Scott expands before us. The plot is all about exploration, as a team of essentially astronauts and extra-terrestrial geologists set out into space to a possibly life-bearing moon to seek out the who or what brought the human race into existence. This film is not about trapping us in a suffocating darkness with the cast and an invisible evil, but is about exploring as they intend to do- one or two nail-biting moments are included, of course.

Speaking of the cast, this is perhaps the one weakness I can pick out in this film. The acting certainly doesn't make the film- it feels to me like they are simply there to provide a narrative for the Scott universe. Logan Marshall-Green (or troublesome Atwood brother Trey of The OC fame) doesn't really strike me as a convincing in a lead role (though this does make sense later on), neither does Noomi Rapace, who is consistent but lacking in dynamism. None of the acting is horrible; there are perhaps one or two characters who serve as space fodder, Charlize Theron makes a good ice queen as Meredith Vickers, but I would agree with other critics who reckon that Michael Fassbender steals the show with his performance as the Weyland Industries android, David.

I enjoyed how Scott expanded on the Alien universe and gave us much that is new and unusual to digest, giving us some surprises while throwing loyal fans a couple of bones (we now know what the "Space Jockeys" are, for example). It might not be a horror film which hides the threat and slowly reveals it to you as it builds to its climax, but I found the premise of building a kind of lore around a humanoid being with the power to bring us into existence to be interesting until the end.

Your expectations will definitely have an impact on how much you enjoy this film. All I was expecting was for this film to be good- and I reckon it is. I wasn't, however, expecting it to be a horror film. I wasn't expecting it to explain more mysteries than it begets. I wasn't expecting it to be a prequel to Alien. Prometheus is very much it's own film, that simply takes place in Ridley Scott's already well established sci-fi universe.

Lindsey Hulse's Review of Lindsey Hulse Made Up Album – In the Style of an NME reporter

I came across this album in pound land, the cover shows a dog vomiting into a coconut with the words “I am Awesome” in bright yellow font on the dogs eyes.
This is of course the well known and popular début album by Lindsey Hulse, the loud mouth and abusive woman from Scunthrope, who's well known for wearing a dress of tenna lady pads to the brit awards.
Using her vocals much in the style of Bjork and Kate Bush, sounding like a French pig being set fire to and put out with a spade.
Truly ground breaking .

The Album only had 5 tracks, but here are my views on what I heard

Track One. Stop rubbing your balls on my Salad nan (Intro)
The album starts you off on your magical journey into Hulse's mind. You are introduced to the sounds of a boiler being hit by a slipper, whilst Hulse's calming vocals lull you into a false sense of security before she suddenly starts screaming “SALAD! NAN!” bringing a harsh contrast to the beginning few minutes of the track. The lyrics express Hulse's disapproval of men in society, and how it's not OK to rub your testicles on something and clam it as your own. Have the young women of Britain finally found a voice they can relate to?


Track Two. “ Do you ever clamp your bum together so your fart goes up your fanny?”
As I said before, this is truly a ground breaking track, smacking you straight in the face with an issue even feminists rarely mention. I find myself asking “Do I? DO I EVER DO THAT?” that’s the moment when I realise I do, and those that don't should. The use of dustbin lids and a blender really pull together the sound of Hulse's voice and she shrieks the lyrics (which are the title track) and the word 'Alligator' over 58 times, more times than ever used on a track in history.
It's 8:37 min long, and in my opinion, it's too short.


Track Three. I'm a pro-lapser
As the title suggests, the song is more than just a story about prolapsing; its shows a woman’s journey via telephone into caravan park where her bum falls out. The issue of the 'prolapsing anus' has been covered widely in the current media, and this is Hulse's tongue in cheek take on this. Hulse sings through a vaginal clamp to create the eerie effects of being trapped inside someone’s vagina. A extremely haunting song which will stick with you for weeks, causing you to sit up in bed and sob for the poor woman with the broken anus and a broken heart.

Track Four. All the jelly in the world couldn’t fill the void you left when you took the TV (I did try to fill it, literately, it was a awful mess and a waste of jelly)
Don't let the title fool you, this is a biopic tale of A woman who drowns to death in her own toilet, much like Lindsey’s own pet Cat in the 80s. Lasting just 5 seconds, it's a brilliant homage to the great Whitney Houston. Belting out a pure crescendo of musical bliss.


Track Five. Real or Fake (I'm on about your tits, love)
The final track on Hulse's EP is a damning commentary on binge drinking and 'Broken Britain' where no one escapes the blame. The lyrics, including the lines 'When I turn on my tv in the AM, and see the load up screen to Babestation looking back at me, the memories of the night before crawl over me like a fungal infection', highlight a side of Hulse that promises a much darker follow up to this tour de force of a debut album.


I give this album 5/5 Brains

Back to the Future.

Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan, and told me if I didn't talk about Back to the Future this week, he'd melt my brain.

So dear Readers I want you to come back with me, back to the 80's to the year before I was born, and to the birth of one of my all time favourite franchises.

Among other things I'll give you a very quick run down of the films, review the BTTF card game and take a look at the new(ish) episodic games from telltale.

Films.

The back to the future films are undeniable classics, Michael J. Fox gives a great preformance as Marty McFly and Christopher Lloyd is unforgettable as Dr. Emmett Brown. I think I first saw the films when I was about 5 or 6, and I think I fell in love with them on that very first viewing. Since then. I've seen them countless times, I've seen the original twice in the cinema, once with the original 1985 film stock that actually broke during the screening. I even had my very first kiss to the opening of BTTF part 2. Its pretty safe to say they have a special place in my heart.

I'm not going to talk much about the story, as if you don't know the plot of BTTF at this point you should stop reading immediately, and go and watch all 3, then when your done come back and finish reading

What do you mean they have never seen Back to the Future?

.Not only are the films cinematography impressive they have an awesome and memorable score, the humour is well-placed and appropriate and unlike most time travel films they don't fall into the larger possible plot holes.

In my option the most impressive parts of the film are the changes to Hill valley, in the films we get to see Hill Valley at 3 different points in its history (and one alternative version of Hill Valley), and in my option the masterful way the film makers showed how history, and the events of the film, changed Hill Valley is why, of all the films of the 80's, BTTF will always be my personal favourite.

Card game.

You might not know about this one, but I recommend checking it out.

Made by loony labs in 2010 the Back to the future card game is essentally a remake of the older loony labs game “Chrononauts” like Chrononauts this game revolves around a central time line laid out with cards in the centre of the table, you play as a descendant of characters from the films and you must alter history to ensure your own existence, then win the game by un-inventing time-travel itself

That's where the similarity to Chrononauts ends, in the BTTF card game they removed the “patch” system so you no longer have to patch paradoxes to prevent the universe ending, instead time ripples and changes in a way much closer to the films, they also removed the mission cards simplifying what you need to do to win.

This makes for a very entertaining game that works well as a simpler version of Chrononauts perfect to introduce people to Chrononauts as well as being a fun game based on a great series.

I highly recommend it if you can get hold of it.

Telltale games.

This series of games set after the films is not only fun to play, but gives a great wrap up to the series.

The story goes that after the end of the last film, Doc went off to live his life with his wife and kids, still travailing through time, the doc gets stuck in prohibition era Hill Valley, the DeLorean's safty feature kicks in to return to 1985, just in time for Marty to return to save the Doc from once again dying in the past.

I'm not going to go much into the story beyond that, since unlike the films, I don't expect you to have played the games, and the story is actually pretty good, and I don't want to spoil it for you.

The voice acting is great in this game, some of the original actors returned to voice characters, but they got some amazing sound alike to voice the ones that did not, the story is just a joy to play through, you get to see another couple of versions of Hill Valley and learn much more about the Doc, including getting to interact with his younger self.

There are a couple of cheesy premises, the DeLorean you use in the games is not the original, but a “temporal copy” created when the DeLorean was struck by lightning at the end of the second film, unlike its counterpart destroyed at the end of BTTF 3, this version is intact, right down to its time circuits and its a hell of a lot of fun using it to explore the times of the games.

I have been playing the games on my iPad, and that's a real treat, but it is available for the PC and Mac and you can download them, or buy a physical version of them here http://www.telltalegames.com/bttf I highly recommend it.

The animated series

You read that right, believe it or not, there is in fact a Back to the Future animated series, although its bloody hard to get hold owing to the fact that it has never been (officially) released on DVD, you can watch some of it on YouTube

Unlike the films the animated series focused on The Brown family and Doc's children with only occasional appearances from Marty and Jennifer, The show also featured a much upgraded version of the DeLorean including voice activated time circuits, the ability to travel in space as well as time and the ability to fold up into a suitcase.

The creators of back to the future have said that the events depicted in the animated series are an alternative time line for the story and should not be considered cannon but either way, its worth checking out if you get the chance, just for the weirdness of it, I remember watching it fondly as a kid, but the information you see here is about all I can remember about it, so make of that what you will.

The animated series also had a very brief comic series detailing further adventures, I have never seen it personally, but it is spoken about fondly in some Back to the Future circles, if you have any of it, let me know, I would love to see it.

The Ride.

One of my biggest regrets on this earth, is that I never got to ride BTTF the ride at universal studios, as it was sadly removed in 2007 to be replaced by The Simpsons ride.

All I know of the ride comes from internet research and the video footage on the blu-ray release of the trilogy, so I'll keep this really short.

Basicly in this version of the BTTF time line, Doc and his family moved back to the 20^th century after the events of BTTF 3, doc opened the “the Institute of Future Technology” and continued inventing.

Riders play the part of "volunteers" testing out Doc's newest invention; the eight-passenger DeLorean time machine. Only Biff turns up and steals the original DeLorean, leading the riders on a chase through time to bring him back.

It looked like great fun, and a nice tribute to the films, but sadly without your own DeLorean time machine, your never going to be able to ride it in the future, and in this fan's option, it will be sorely missed.

Other games.

There exists more BTTF games that just the Telltale ones, they are all pretty terrible, but i'll give you a super quick run down, just for completions sake.

Back to the Future (1985)

Available on the ZX Spectrum, Commodore 64 and Amstrad CPC. In this 'adventure' game you try and get George and Lorraine to spend enough time together to fall in love,

Back to the Future (1989)

Available on the NES. A bizarre game, you bassicly collect clocks to win levels, its so bad it hardly counts as a game and even Bob Gale, the screenwriter of the films called it “one of the worst games ever” insisting that fans of the films don't buy it.

Back to the Future Part II & III (1990)

Available on the NES, this game as the title suggests follows the events of the second and third film, and is a side scroller, you play as Marty and do a bunch of stuff. Its major problem is the fact that its really long, completely lacking any sort of save or password function, and frankly, quite boring.

Back to the Future Part III (1991)

Available on the Mega Drive, Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Atari ST, Commodore 64, DOS, Master System, and the ZX Spectrum. I know this game has 4 levels, but frankly the first (that has you riding a horse as doc to rescue Clara) is so frustrating that even though I owned the mega drive version of this I've never played the other 3, I guess it follows the story of the 3^rd film, but its one to avoid.

Super Back to the Future II (1993)

Only available in Japan as far as I know, for the super famicom, this is a 2D platformer where you play as Marty on a hoverboard, it has hardly anything to do with the film, but its pretty good compared to the other games on this list.

Universal studios Theme Parks Adventure. (2001)
released for the Game Cube, I was unfortunate enough to own this 'game' most of it is really rubbish mini games based on rides at universal studios, but it also featured a really rubbish mini game where you get to drive the DeLorean, so that's something.

Back to the Future: The Pinball

One word. WANT!

Buddy reviews

Friends are important, nothing is greater than hanging out with a good friend. So this week in celebration of this, I asked my friends for review suggestions and i'm going to give you two reviews, suggested by my friends. They are both about two great friends and perfect for you and your greatest friend to hang out together and enjoy.

Instead of the normal 4 micro reviews this week, your going to get 2 reviews, mostly because I feel like talking more in depth about them, but also because this weeks post picture took way longer than normal.

ToeJam & Earl – Mega drive

Toejam & Earl is a strange game to explain to someone, you essentially play either a orange blog thing that kind of looks like Patrick from Spongebob or a 3 legged weirdly shaped.. thing. They are very nineties aliens stranded on earth and in search of the parts of their crashed spaceship.

The only help you have along the way are the presents you find and the quite frankly random power ups they give you. The power ups range from the awesome, (Icarus wings) the dangerous (rocket shoes) and the broken controller inducing (lose a life) it does not help that you don't know what is in a present till you open it. True you can find ways to identify what presents give what power up, but pretty soon you will get another present that randomises them all again for you.

The gameplay itself takes a top down view on a 2D randomly generated series of floating islands. on each island you will find, presents, “earthlings” that mostly want to kill you, an elevator to the next island and if your really lucky you might find one of the spaceship parts your looking for. If you fall off the edge of the island, you find yourself on the island below and must again find the elevator to get back up to the level above.

So far I'm sure your not feeling particularly sold on Toejam & Earl, but trust me when I say what makes it awesome, is the surreal humour and the pure joy that comes from grabbing a friend and trying its co-op mode.

While playing co-op you share the same screen, unless one of you wonders away from the other, then it changes to a split screen view, like the single player mode, presents are just as random but with the added joy of a present effecting both players if they are close together when they are opened. You also get a bunch of fun interactions between Toejam and Earl when they are together, thats a lot of humour that is lost in the single player mode.

I would not recommend its single player for a first time player, but if you can grab a friend to play with. Make sure you check it out, its now available on the Wii virtual console, so you have no excuse not to check it out.

Also, check out the second game its interesting, its a side scroller rather than a top down game but stay wayyyy away from Toejam & Earl 3

3.5 out of 5 brains. (but 5 out of 5 if you have a friend to play with)

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Imagine if you would, what would you do if a man from the future literally dropped out of the sky and handed you your very own time machine.

What would you do?

If you said “use it to work on your history homework” this is the film for you.

The film stars Alex Winter as Bill s. Preston, Esq and Keanu Reeves as Ted Theodore Logan. As two seemingly stupid members of the garage band “wyld stallyns” that happen to be flunking history.

*spoilers from here if you have never seen it*

There is one small complication, The perfect utopian future that awaits the human race depends on the music of wyld stallyns, and if they fail an upcoming history presentation the band will be forced to split up and the perfect future will be lost to us all.

So the rulers of the future do what any of us would do, they make a glowing crystal into a time travailing phone box, and send it back to the past to help them pass.

Bill and Ted then use this phone booth to round up a bunch of historical figures, pick up some historical babes and generally have an excellent adventure.

Its no understatement to say that this is Keanu Reeves best acted role of his career (he actually shows some emotion) and no matter how hard it is to believe the destiny of the two unlikely protagonists you are rooting for them all the way, you really want them to succeed and its hard not to cheer along in the final act of the film.

Apart from the two main characters, the side characters really take the cake. (or in this case, the ice cream) from Napoleons visit to Waterloo, (the waterpark) Joan of arc taking over a workout class and Beethoven's solo in the music store this is a film that never lets up and amuses throughout.

The sequal is also worth a watch, its maybe not as good as the first, but the new characters introduced are well worth it and it still stands up on its own as a great film.

*spoilers end here*

All in all Bill and Ted is a film well worth your time, if you have not seen it, go out and get it.

Do it now, this post is pretty much over anyway.

5 out of 5 brains  

Film Review: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

*Insert pun relating the previous film's failings to it's title here.*

When it comes to the Transformers movies, I'm like a lot of people. I know that I'm probably going to be disappointed, and have all of my childish impressions of sheer, transforming-robot awesomeness obliterated by toilet humour, robots portraying negative racial stereotypes and talentless eye candy, but I cannot help but want to see it, and embrace it for the mindless, high-octane, giant-robots-beating-the-snot-out-of-each-other-in-pretty-graphics-on-a-big-screen experience that it is. This film was never going to be a cinematic masterpiece- purely because Michael Bay directed it- but it is still entertaining.

First of all, I must pick on the 3D. I was somewhat disappointed by it, particularly as it was the first full 3D film I had ever seen. Sure, I guess there was a little more depth to it, and every now and then the odd super-imposed ember or shard of glass looked effective, but I spent several collective minutes taking my 3D glasses on and off just so I could see the difference- which is equivalent to smearing my eyes with mud, and then me remarking afterwards how much better everything looks when I'm done wiping it off. Truth is it was okay, and there was some added clarity and a little more depth not seen in usual 2D pictures, but wasn't the immersive experience it had been advertised as being.

There is a present and definitely a lot more compelling plot than it's predecessor (I seriously can't even remember what Revenge of The Fallen was about), whereby the evil Decepticons essentially plan to bring their world to Earth and bring an all-out mechanical holocaust. Straight away, this is a bigger, more serious story arch, and the enormity of our heroes' plight is conveyed brilliantly- whomever directed Terminator Salvation and goes on to direct the next Terminator films whereby they attempt to portray a machine apocalypse should take notes from Dark of the Moon, because this is how it should be done. Oh yeah, and Sam's got a new love interest this time (Carly, played by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley). Was she in the last one? Because I seriously don't remember.

Megan Fox 2.0. Different hair, same need to eat a sandwich.

Of course, there has to be the obligatory comedy relief, which comes from several sources- and pretty much all of them are obnoxious and/or unnecessary. The two mini Autobots that Sam keeps in his house almost like pets are flat-out annoying and serve no purpose in this film. Then there's Agent Simmons, ever-present following the first two Transformers films. He didn't need to be in this, and he is hard to take seriously as an effective ally to Shia LaBeouf's Sam Witwicky when he was made to look like a goof in the first film alone. There are also Sam's parents, who were great in their own way in the first film (much like Allen's parents in Small Soldiers), but aren't really in keeping with the darker tone of the film, and Ken Jeong of The Hangover fame, who is the same character in every film. Shia LaBeouf is so great at bringing most of the comedy himself, anything more seems surplus to requirements.

Where this film thrives is in its fast-paced action sequences. The ones involving humans blowing up Transformers are not so much so, purely because if I've decided to suspend believe that these giant transforming robots are- for two hours and twenty minutes- real, and truly destructive, I therefore refuse to believe that a bunch of gung-ho marine grunts can take them down so easily. But, whenever there is action involving robot-on-robot crime, it's at its best, which is perhaps the most obvious thing I will say in this review.

Shockwave- by all accounts looks nothing like the one from the canon.
Who cares? He's still awesome.

The transformations remain impressive, the designs for the Transformers themselves look really cool (my personal favorites being the SUVs which puruse them on the highway, and Shockwave), and the fight scenes are awesome. They are particular clever in how they manage to mask the violence in a way which is appealing to older folks watching this 12-rated movie, by substituting really blood and gore with a "machine equivalent"- the machines "bleed" when wounded for example, but this is perhaps oil- they rip each others limbs off, but they are not really limbs. It's a great idea for a film which really needs to make sure all of its target audiences get to enjoy the action.

Congratulations Dark of the Moon- you are not the runt of the Transformers litter- that is reserved for Revenge of the Fallen, which was poor. However, the original is still the best of the three, and I still maintain a sequel was never necessary. But, this film is definitely worth watching, particularly if you're a fan of Transformers, action flicks or, y'know... talentless eye candy.

I'm going to need a bigger review!

Film - The Hangover part 2

I enjoyed the first hangover, but like most people I could not see the reason for a sequel, really everything that was needed to be said was said in the first one. nothing was added to the franchise this time around, they get wasted, again, they don't remember anything, again, they have lost somebody, again and then they have to piece together what happened to track them down, again.

All that said however, it was an enjoyable experience it just works, it had some genuinely funny moments, and had the entire audience laugh out loud more than once.

Go see it if you like the first one, but if you miss it, no harm done.

3.5 out of 5 brains

Xbox live arcade game - Age of Booty

Age of booty is an Xbox live arcade game, that to be honest I only brought because it was on offer, had pirates and from the screen shots it looked like overboard (an old playstation one game that I loved)

However when I came to play the game I was a little surprised to find out it in fact a real time strategy game, that said its not a terrible one, its gets a little hectic sometimes, and it is lacking options.

But for the 200 points It cost me, it has entertained me plenty.

I would suggest checking out the demo at least.

3 out of 5 brains

Fallout new Vegas DLC - Honest hearts

I spoke about fallout new Vegas last week as I said in that review some new DLC had drawn me into the game.

Now I have had time to play the new DLC and thought I would give you my thoughts on it.

Honest hearts takes you out of the Mojave wasteland and to the much more picturesque utah, here you encounter a war between native American style tribes and once again the courier is the straw that tips the scales in once direction or the other.

I have to say I rather enjoyed this DLC, much more than the last (Dead money) it was a nice change of pace to play fallout in an area with greenery and clean water, the new items are forgettable but fit the story nicely and the quest chain is enjoyable, if not ground breaking.

Best of all I did not experience a single glitch while it Utah!

4.5 out of 5 brains

Boardgame - Khet 2.0

This is an interesting game to say the least. It plays a little like chess, but with a totally different strategy, you take pieces by bouncing a laser around the board, trying to take your opponents Pharaoh.

You have at your control 4 types of pieces some with one reflective surface, some with two and then one “blocker” type pieces that can stop your opponents laser without reflecting it.

The strategy comes from knowing that both yours and your opponents laser can take pieces this means that you can trick your opponent into taking there own pieces.

Khet takes a very different way of thinking than games like chess, but it is, in this reviewers eyes, an enjoyable one, and I can't recommend it enough.

5 out of 5 Brains

Monday Richard's review mania

Welcome back to Monday Richard's review mania!

Film - Thor

I was disappointed by Thor, but I'm not entirely sure why. the action was pretty good and some of the set pieces where amazing. but the story does not seem to go anywhere, it meanders around a bit without anything overly exciting happening.

Its a classic brother competing for there fathers love plot. but that's about it, you keep waiting for the twist and when it comes its disappointing to say the least.

I'm only giving this film 2 brains, but i'm not saying you should not go see it, just don't expect anything amazing from it.

Xbox 360 game - Bulletstorm

Bulletstorm's plot is also completely irrelevance but it this case it actually works in the games favour. the plot it dumb to say the least the dialogue is crude and is almost completely curse words. but its... fun...

There is no other way to put it some of the stupid dialogue genuinely made me laugh and the set pieces are amazingly fun, the weapons are over the top and just pure fun to use. plus i can't understate how much fun it is to use the slide to get around the whole game.

3.5 out of 5 brains

Film - Press Start

This is a low budget independent film, but its a good one. The story is your classic RPG fair a chosen hero goes out to collect the sacred stones to slay Count Nefarious Vile. he teams up with a ninja and a space warrior (who turns out to be a girl)

This film pokes fun at all aspects of gaming, from the classic 8-bit all the way up to modern day but does it in such a charming way its impossible not to love. i honestly can't recommend it enough go watch it, plus the sequel just came out.

4.5 out of 5 brains

Board game - paper-clip railway

Before i get into this review i have to stress that the version i played of this was a unfinished prototype.

This game has an interesting concept, its like ticket to ride, but using a free form board layout and paper-clips to represent the length of the rails.

However the rules are a little convoluted and not very well explined (although i have heard they have tweaked the rules a little) to start with the game was slow and uninteresting, but once the game got going i actually had some fun with it. plotting how to make your railways stealing station points from you opponents is fun but the final scoring is a little over complicated.

My main issue with this game however is the way its presented, in my view it should not be a full boardgame, it should be a cheep PDF game that you use your own paper-clips to play.

1 out of 5 brains