Variations on 'Get me a sandwich, woman!'

I feel the need for a disclaimer here, before I start the post proper. The world of online gaming is notorious for being full of bizarre, racist, uber violent nutters. However, that can’t be the case, otherwise I’d spend my days hiding under the bed with a knife in case one came in the front door. I know that most guys online are normal people that would never speak to a woman in the way the people below have. With that in mind, let’s make fun of those who will and have done...

Anyone who’s read www.penny-arcade.com will be familiar with one of their more popular comics, Green Blackboards (And Other Anomalies):



This is the God’s honest truth, and anyone who’s spent longer than five minutes near Xbox Live can probably agree with me. I personally don’t game a lot online, the last time I did I played Rock Band online with my female avatar and afterwards received a message from one of the randoms I played with saying, ‘What now?’ I was a bit wierded out (‘What now?’ What, I have to make out with you now or something?) but it was nothing compared to these gems I’ve discovered on www.fatuglyorslutty.com. Gentlemen, be prepared to be ashamed of your sex...



How oddly polite. ‘I would really like to live as if it was 1950’s. If you’d be so kind, would you fetch my slippers and pipe and then let me impregnate you again?’



Oh dude, you ruined it. That was an amazing chat up line till you had to act like an idiot. It might have worked, you fool!



Am I the only one who sees relief in this message? ‘OH THANK GOD, YOU’RE A GIRL! I CAN STOP QUESTIONING MY SEXUALITY NOW! GIRLS SUCK GO AWAY HAHA!’ I like to imagine after he sent that he built a fort and stuck a sign outside saying ‘NO GIRLS ALLOWED’.



Oh, wow. You’ve got me there. Still, is it the fact that I’m a whore that I can’t play Xbox? I’d better inform the local brothel that they should get rid of their system before the Xbox police show up...



Again, this is oddly polite. ‘I’m awfully sorry, but since you possess female chromosomes I’m going to hack into your account. I do apologise, but the ladies really do offend me a great deal.’



If nothing else, he’s straight to the point. At least you know where you stand with him.



Ouch, someone needs to put the Xbox Live subscription money towards therapy.