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Here at Zombie Outbreak, we don’t normally like to spread fear and panic on a daily basis. We do it out of a sense of duty. Developers since the birth of video games have created games that made the world wring their hands over the awfulness of it all, and they made some serious money. With that in mind, today I give you the ultimate guide into creating your own controversial video game.

Violence



Oh yes, let’s start as we mean to go on. We all know that gamers are essentially barely restrained would be killers, right? Let’s throw in as much violence as we can to placate the wierdos! The more punching, shooting and maiming we throw in there, the more awesome it will be. Plus, it’ll look great in the adverts.

Sex



We’re not messing about here. Sex is important. Have you seen the attention span these kids have? If you make them go about ten minutes without seeing a pair of comically oversized breasts, we aren’t doing our jobs right. Plus, if you want to go the whole hog and include full on sex in there, you’re guaranteed extra publicity in the form of various newscasters calling for your game to be banned, because it’ll be bad for the children. Score!

Crime



Crime is brilliant. Brilliant in video games, anyway. Of course, your average player would never dream of stealing a chocolate bar from the corner shop, but in game they’ll happily steal it, shoot the shopkeeper, rob the contents of the till, and then carjack someone for a quick getaway. Everyone loves a bit of escapism in a bit of casual larceny! And if they kill a prostitute in real life, well, that’s not your fault. That kid was messed up anyway.

Racism



Now, you don’t want to be blatant about this. People are still VERY touchy about race, so you need to tread carefully. Just insert a couple of black zombies, or make a few adverts that seem to kinda mention that white people are more superior than black people. Do it just right, and everyone will be screaming for your head on a platter, which means MORE PUBLICITY!

Misogyny



We all know that video games are mostly played by men, right? Then it’s totally ok to include the comically oversized breasts mentioned above. It’s also totally ok to portray all the women in your game as useless, over sexualised eye candy. You don’t want a woman who can actually fend for herself, because what fun is that? You get the formula just right, and there’ll be millions of demented fanboys creating incredibly disturbing fanart on Deviantart before you know it. And ignore the shouty feminists. The more they shout, the more your sales figures rise.

War



War is hot right now. Kids these days haven’t had a proper one, and the closest they’ll get is shooting each other in the face online and calling each other ‘fags’. Therefore, any mentions of past or ongoing conflicts is sure to create instant controversy. Make your players play as the opposing force in an ongoing conflict! They’ll lap it right up, and Fox News will go spare. Brilliant.

PROFIT!

Have you followed all of these steps? Excellent, then what you should have is an uber violent, sexist, racist, blood drenched lump of unplayable dross. But who cares, right? It doesn’t matter as long as people buy it, and by the time they’ve realised what a horrible game it is, you’ve got their money! Winner! Now, I’d suggest you’d use that cash to leave the country sharpish. I can see that lynch mob is coming for you rather quickly.