Five Reasons Why Pirates Are More Awesome Than Ninjas

For some reason, pirates versus ninjas has become a mythical battle of mythical proportions, and has spawned much (trivial) Internet debate, joining such classics as Did Digimon really rip off Pokemon and Who would win in a fight between Aaron Carter and Justin Bieber.

Well it's day three of our pirate-themed week here on Zombie Outbreak, so my contribution today is going to be Five Reasons Why Pirates Are More Awesome Than Ninjas.

1) Ninjas Are Emo

They both lurk in the dark. They are both brooding characters. They both wear a lot of black. They both love anything Japanese. Therefore, they are both emo.

See? Even this dog knows it.

 Let's be honest, when have you ever looked at a ninja and thought "Gee, that guy looks like a fun loving kind of guy"? Exactly- you haven't. While emos and ninjas will both confine themselves to the darkness to watch Japanese-dubbed episodes of Naruto, Bleach and Tenchi Muyo, pirates are out with their fellow swashbucklers, drinking, singing, looting helpless fishing villages for their gold and commandeering other ships. Y'know, the good stuff.

2) Pirates Have Boats Ships

Sure, ninjas are pretty good with their feet, they're quick and agile and good at all that jumping around, acrobatic pansy drivel. But as soon as you take that hooded jabroni off terra firma and put him in the middle of the Carribean sea, he's screwed. Why? Because unlike pirates, ninjas don't have pirate ships. And ships are always awesome. Just ask T-Pain.



Avast, behold these colossal vessels of vanquishment and ultimate conquest, careening effortlessley through the sea. Your ninja, on the other hand? Fish food, wrapped up in black rags.

3) Pirates Have Cannons

Ninjas are pretty handy with their shurikens or their throwing stars. Heck, they might even be packing a bow and quiver. However, the pirates will do you one better- they'll shoot right back at you, with a freakin' cannon.

Actually, chances are that they'll have more than just one cannon, since their aforementioned awesome ships will probably have like a bazillion cannons protruding from them, like many big metal middle fingers aimed in a rude and defiant gesture straight at your sissy ninjas- that fire cannonballs.

4) Pirates Star in Movies

Try to think of a movie about ninjas that anyone's ever cared about.

No? Me neither.

However, pirates have had a good many films starring their own kinsmen, including Hook and the Pirates of the Carribean series. Ninjas might be stealthy, which is cool I suppose, but it makes them awfully hard to record and translate to film.

5) Pirates Are Good With the Ladies

Ninjas aren't really need for the most personable people around- they spend most of their time stalking around in the dark avoiding people. Pirates, on the other hand, love people. Sure, most of them are either walking money bags ready for the picking, or are useful captives for ransom purposes- but any male pirate will tell you that they love the ladies.

The ladies dig being taken captive by pirates really.

It also seems that pirates are charming and, apparently, good looking, if Jack Sparrow and Will Turner in Pirates of the Carribean are anything to go by- Just look at Captain Jack-Elizabeth Swan blatantly had the hots for him.

And heck let's face it, if the female of their desires does not wish to come willingly, then pirates will just rob them as though they were a pretty necklace- so they win one way or the other.. Who's going to stop them? It's not like a ninja's going to come sailing after them, remember?

Well folks, I hope you have been enlightened on why you would side with pirates in a fight- or at the very least in a heated debate about which is the superior faction. Pirates are awesome in almost every way- and this is why that we celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day, not Talk Like a Ninja Day- which would be pretty boring and uneventful, to be honest.