As Sunday Matt informed you yesterday, it was my birthday. He also told you my age, which is going to knacker any future attempts to lie about it, but oh well. Anyway, to celebrate the fact I'm still alive we had a party, which is better than going out to the pub because a) the booze is cheaper, b) your bed is only upstairs, and c) you can wander around in your socks and it's totally ok. And comfy. Mmm.
So, how do you hold your own smash hit birthday party EXTRAVAGANZA? Well, let me tell you!
1. Preparation is key. Get your favourite tipple in, blow up the balloons, hide everything you don't want broken and abused in your bedroom. Do a cursory tidy up. You could scrub your house clean, but you're only going to have to do it the day after with a hangover, so just make sure you don't look like a hoarder or something.
Drinking tipple from a child's china tea set optional but hilarious.
2. JELLY SHOTS. Grab some plastic shot glasses from Poundland, mix up some jelly with vodka, pour it in. Yum yum yum.
3. Food! Easiest thing to do is to order in a load of pizza and have at it. You can buy some nibbles, but don't go making vol-au-vents or anything. I picked up a salmon toasty thing at Christmas thinking it was tomato, and nearly gagged. Cocktail sausages are a much safer bet.
Buddy Christ approves of your culinary choices.
4. Entertainment: Depends on what the crowd coming round to yours is like, but you'll need something in the house to keep them entertained/making a fool of themselves (the two are mostly interchangeable). As I was rebelling against growing up, we had kid's party games on the go. Make sure you involve prizes and that everyone gets involved, by force if necessary. If you have a Kinect or a Wii, or any kind of Guitar Hero/Rock Band game, you're guaranteed at least three embarrassing.
Pip is very happy about having to align the Kinect.
5. Pranking: Fun if you're in someone else's house. At our mate's house in Nottingham, Thursday Hulse and I left Post It Notes all over the house, labelling the furniture, the walls, and the milk in the fridge. we'd have labelled the cats if they'd stood still long enough. At my party, everyone decided to hide toy army men everywhere. EVERYWHERE. There were at least twenty in our bed, not to count the ones hiding behind the shampoo, in the teabags, in the microwave...
And in the jelly. The sodding jelly.
6. The end of the night: A plan is crucial. If you're a guest, make sure you know how you're ending the night. You've got three options, stay at the house, stay sober and drive home, or booze it up and call a taxi. If you're staying, make sure it's ok with the host first. They don't want to find you in the bathtub at 5am.
7. Have fun!
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