Better off being friends with the dog

So everyone and their mum has played the Fable series by now, but having only recently acquired an Xbox 360, I hadn’t laid eyes on it till recently. Deciding to forgo chronological order, I jumped straight into Fable 3 to find out what all the fuss was about. Having done so, I would like to present my impressions to you in the form of a guide to the world of Albion. Mostly because writing straight reviews is boring. Anyway, here we go:

Albion: Your Guide to becoming Super Magical and Awesome

Gender

Yes, the first thing you will do is pick your gender. I imagine this is an amazing luxury these days, but it is a bit weird that you don’t pick it until you’re at least 18 years of age (I’m guessing). What are you before then, an amorphous blob?

Personality

I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Everyone will be too busy telling you how super special and wonderful you are. All you have to do is look angry and swing your sword around every now and again to establish dominance.

Friendships

On your travels around Albion, you have the option to make friends with the lowly peasants you encounter. After you become king/queen (er, spoiler alert I suppose), this seems a bit odd, but never mind. Anyway, the best way to make friends is apparently to dance and play pat a cake with every single person. At least, that’s how it was when I was wondering around. Even when you’ve danced them into liking you, you still have to go fetch something, or deliver a macguffin for them, or they won’t be your friend. Gits. You’re better off being mates with your dog.

Dungeons

Don’t actually come up all that much. In the first one some special switches are pointed out to you that only open with a gun/magic/sword swipe or what have you, but they never come up again so don’t worry too much.

Combat

You’re going to fight a lot of bad guys. A LOT of bad guys. Don’t be scared though, because you’re a Hero and have unlimited magic and ammo at your disposal. Soon, you’ll have such powerful magic that your area attack spell will kill everything deader than flares, so all you have to do is keep hammering the magic button until everything else falls over.

Dog

Yes, dog. He/She’s quite handy as they follow you everywhere (and I mean everywhere, isn’t that a disturbing thought?) and they’ll start barking when there’s treasure or dig spots about. This raises two questions though. One, how does your dog magically sense things buried in the dirt, and two, why the hell don’t they dig it up themselves? Lazy bloody animal.

Ruling your kingdom

After a while you’ll become the ruler of Albion, and isn’t that exciting? You’ll have a Royal To Do List every day, and you’ll listen to two people put their case towards building orphanages or tearing them down, or something of that ilk. More often than not, the guy putting the ‘evil’ option forward is Reaver, the guy who forced you to fight hordes of monsters for his personal amusement early on in the game. Personally, I wouldn’t let him anywhere near the castle, but maybe you’re more forgiving.

Days will pass until a disaster arrives (apparently it’s working on a very tight schedule) and suddenly you’ll lose a hundred days, and find your kingdom is being taken over by a mysterious black goo. Get your magic area attack ready, and have fun!