In an effort to show I am still an idiot, I have decided to list my top eleven moments of anarchy that you should try out in a bid to remain forever young.
1. If you find yourself on a bus or a train beside another bus or train, tap on the window and get the attention of a random passenger and gesture as though you wish to speak to their neighbour. When your passenger alerts their neighbour, look down at your book/phone and pay them no attention. When either mode of transport moves smile widely and have a little chuckle to yourself, you deserve it.
2. Superglue a pound coin to the pavement, making sure its somewhere that you can watch the carnage unfold. This trick is particularly useful if you have hours to kill as you watch all sorts of people go to varying lengths for free money. If your lucky someone who is drunk comes along and can’t fathom out why they can’t pick up the nice shiny coin and so sticks at it for ages.
3. The old classic: splashing people by driving through big puddles on rainy days. To become a true master at this you need to wait around the corner and take them by surprise.
4. Another oldie but a goodie. Giving people wrong directions or asking for directions to the spot you find yourself in.
5. The road rope trick. This one requires a willing partner in crime. Both of you stand in the middle of the road until a car comes into view. Slowly back away from each other towards opposing pavements and mime pulling a rope straight between you. When you reach the pavement, act like you’re leaning into the rope to hold it firm across the road. Now for the double whammy pay off: first the car should slow to a stop and the driver should peer ahead to see whether there really is rope across the road. Part two comes when they decide that there’s nothing there and continue driving, at which point you throw yourself along the line that they’re travelling, as if you’ve been yanked along by the car driving through the rope.
6. This one is slightly tricky due to security but don’t let a minor thing like that dissuade you. Upon exiting a shop or local supermarket, flick the auto doors off…obviously remembering to get out yourself first. This works especially well if there is a double set of automatic doors as you could, in theory, trap people between both sets of doors and get them to perform amusing actions in a bid to get the automatic doors open.
7. This one may lead to legal action, it just depends how fast you can run. Get an old football and put a hole in it. Fill it with stones and bricks the place it randomly on the road. Pretend to play football and when you see someone ask them to kick the ball back to you. This will be your cue to start running.
8. If you are feeling particularly evil but like the idea of saving the planet why not recycle used shampoo and conditioner bottles (that’s the end of the good will with this one) and fill them with glue. Next time you go shopping, simply place these bottles back on the shelves.
9. When its raining and someone walks past you with an umbrella up, give the umbrella a quick tap then instantly hold your eye while letting out a little yelp.
10. Alter your window screen washer jets so they point towards the path between head and waist height. Then when waiting at traffic lights or driving through a heavily pedestrianised area squirt it at people. It will be like playing your own version of the Takeshi’s Castle final, especially if you use the bright pink washer fluid to see where you have hit.
11. However my favourite prank is actually quite a nice one and redeems this blog ever so slightly. Pretend its someones birthday when you are out with a group of mates and make a big fuss. I am talking candles, singing happy birthday and a massive cake featuring this seasons childrens show.
Think you can do better? Let the Zombie Outbreak team know how you like messing with the general public or if you have been affected by any of the issues listed above
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