Unfinished games, or why Alan Wake was insufferable

Any gamer will tell you that over their gaming ‘career’ (can you call it a career? No one’s paying me to yell at the TV screen) there have been several titles that have been abandoned on the way. Maybe they were too difficult, too glitchy, or just plain boring, but nothing compelled you to finish them. Instead, they languish on the shelf until you remember them and trade them in for something shiny and new. For your consideration, here’s my list of games I just couldn’t finish.

Killer 7

Now, I’m not saying I didn’t like Killer 7. In actual fact, I loved it. It’s completely mental, has a fantastic hook (playing as the seven personalities of one dude? Yes please), and has a wonderful, cel shaded art style. The problem is that I suck at shooters. I mean, really, really suck at them. The additional problem is that in Killer 7, you can’t just point and shoot. In fact, you don’t know your enemy is there until you hear them start to giggle like lunatics. So if you’re me, you hear the giggle, panic, hit the ‘scan’ button, panic some more, eventually find them, try to aim in a blind panic, and by that point they’ve reached you and have exploded like a prototype Creeper. Bad times.

One day, I will finish you Killer 7. One day.

Batman Arkham Asylum

I know, I know. Everyone and their dog loves the Batman games, that’s why I got them. I have both Arkham Asylum and Arkham City sat in my ‘to play’ list. I did start Arkham City, but didn’t get very far. I don’t quite know what it was. Maybe it was the ‘over the shoulder’ gameplay, which I’ve never encountered before (shut up), and made me feel like I was drunkenly veering to the left constantly. Maybe it was the fact that while I love me a superhero yarn, I’m just not actually a superfan of Batman, so it’s all kind of over my head. Either way, my reaction was kind of ‘meh’, and I gave it up to play Fable 2. I’ll go back to it Batman fans, I promise.

Saint’s Row 2

This was so promising. It was like GTA jacked up on Four Loco and a fistful of prescription painkillers. After a wonderfully improbably prison escape, you start building up your gang empire, fighting the rival gangs and basically showing everyone who’s boss. I initially loved it, driving round like a maniac and shooting everyone who looked at me funny in the chops.

That was the problem, though. After a while, every mission was ‘Go here, shoot these dudes.’ MEH. In the end I got bored and gave up. Even traded it in. Just couldn’t be bothered.

Shadows of the Damned

I admit, I bought this simply because of its excellent pedigree. What with people on board who’d made Resident Evil, Silent Hill, and the aforementioned Killer 7, I thought it HAD to be good.

I’ll admit that Shadows IS good. It’s technically very competent, the graphics are sound, and while it relies heavily on a black and red colour palette, at least it wasn’t bloody brown. But... it wasn’t what I was expecting. With Suda 51 involved, you’d expect some kind of madness to be going on, but it isn’t there. Yeah, so the gun talks and there are dick jokes aplenty (everyone likes dick jokes. Even you. Don’t deny it), it just didn’t offer up what the pedigree promised. Sad face.

Alan Wake

Oh, Alan Wake. I bought an Xbox purely because I wanted to play you. Yeah, so you don’t so much borrow from Stephen King as kneel down and lovingly caress his boots with your tongue, but you know, whatever. I’m a big King fan myself, so I was down with that.

As exciting as the theme was for me though, it was horribly marred by the gameplay. Again, it’s all shooty action, all the time, complicated by the fact you can’t kill anyone until you’ve trained a flashlight on them. It’s a problem. Then there was Alan’s habit of narrating events CONSTANTLY, even though I have eyes and see everything for myself. You reach a room covered in blood with a dead guy in it, and Alan’s all ‘There was a room covered in blood, I think it belonged to the dead guy.’ OH REALLY ALAN? I JUST THOUGHT THE DEAD GUY WAS REALLY INTO STRAWBERRY JAM. NOW SHUT YOUR ENORMOUS HOLE YOU INSUFFERABLE GIT.

Ugh.