Things to do in the iPhone 5 queue

So apparently today is the launch day of the Apple iPhone 5. I’m slightly confused, because I thought it was only announced, what, five minutes ago? Let’s be honest, I don’t pay too much attention because I’ve got a year left on the contract for my Xperia Play, and I think £529 is an insane price for a phone.

Anyway, as it’s launch day you may have seen those queues of over excited early adopters queing at their local Apple stores for their shiny new phones. You may well be actually in one of those queues. With that in mind, let me give you some advice on keeping yourself entertained while you wait.

Practice your kung fu

Let’s face it, release days for new tech items are a field day for muggers. The last thing you want is to get your hands on that phone, only for some scumbag to rip it out of them (and sell it on ebay for stupid money). Don’t stand for it! As you wait, practice your best martial arts moves. If anyone tries to grab your shiny new toy, they’ll receive a karate chop to the throat for their trouble. Just watch where you’re flailing your arms in that queue.

Make some friends

Why not? Get chatting, swap email addresses and add each other on Facebook. That way, you can then get together when you have your iPhone and compare notes. ‘Does yours have an extra row for icons?’ ‘IT DOES! Let’s be BFFs!’

Call your mum

That is, assuming you still have your iPhone 4S on you and you haven’t pitched it into a nearby skip in anticipation of the upgrade. Call your mum. You probably haven’t seen her in a while. Yes, call. Remember, that thing that all phones can do but we haven’t used since, say, 2008?

Ask Siri stupid questions

Because let’s face it, she’s good for nothing else. ‘Do mice walk on stilts?’ ‘Is the moon watching me?’ ‘Are your feet made of cheese?’ May as well confuse the guys who monitor all this noise for a laugh.

Think about what that cash could have been better spent on

Like your rent, for instance. Or a boatload of groceries. Or the repairs your car sorely needs. Oh, who am I kidding, it’s your cash, do what you like. Enjoy your iPhone 5!

Patent Wars

So this has been going on for years/months (I'm not sure which) but it's been getting a bit crazy right about now, so I thought I would have a little talk about it. Apple are a bit like Marmite when it comes to the internet; people either love them or hate them with a fiery passion.

Now I use an iPhone and yeah it's an okay phone, it does what I want and I like how it does it. It has a few problems, but what doesn't technology wise these days? I am in no way an Apple fan-boy, the iPhone is the only thing I own and yes, I agree they are overpriced for what they are but I don't mind paying for it because I think it's worth it.

However, I don't like Apple as a business... They make a lot of overpriced stuff and although I think (I may be wrong but don't kill me!) that the iPhone revolutionised what a smartphone was and brought them into the public spotlight, they haven't been the first to create a lot of what they claim and they are a bit crazy when it comes to enforcing patents...

Now I've never understood patents or copyrights, I'm a very sharing-is-caring kind of guy and think that although competition is good for innovation, so is sharing. Now I have a limited knowledge of the past to all this, the first thing I heard about anything was a lawsuit between Apple and Motorola concerning the slide to unlock function... Yes, it's that's stupid! I can't remember who won that but I think it was Apple?

The second lawsuit I know about all this was between Apple and Samsung concerning the Galaxy S and the iPhone 4/ iPad... Apparently the Samsung Galaxy stuff look mighty similar to the iPhone and iPad... I personally don't see this, but courts did and awarded Apple $1BILLION for patent infringement! Now I can't help but ask myself, why? You're a billion dollar company Apple, why do you need to sue people over stupid things? Slide to unlock functions and phones "looking similar", all of this just seems childish and a bit absurd...

Now Google and Android, who have connections with Samsung and Motorola are very annoyed about all this. Google bought Motorola and are now suing Apple and wish to stop the sale of Apple products in the US? I would say Apple bought this on themselves, but is this really a mature reaction? Patent laws are crazy and things like this will keep happening, with people suing each other into oblivion until there are no phones for anyone.

And as if that wasn't crazy enough, a company in China got their hands on some leaked photo's of the iPhone5, which Apple were hoping to announce in the coming weeks. They've banged out a quick copy (only China...) called the GooPhone I5 and are threatening to sue Apple if they release the coming iPhone in China...

My mind is just like... WHAT?! To all this... This is quickly getting out of hand, and honestly I think this will all end in Apple getting into serious trouble, if not going bankrupt. And they only have themselves to blame in all this! I honestly think this is bad... I didn't care much for Apple but honestly after using the iPhone1 almost 5 years ago I can't go back to using something else... People have told me that Android is better but I've invested a lot of money into my Apple product, through buying the phones and the apps, even recently going as far as purchasing some Hank Green on iTunes...

If Apple were to go bust, I (and many more people) would possibly be left with useless phones that wouldn't get serviced any more, wouldn't get upgrades any more, wouldn't get replaced or fixed if they broke any more... And I would hate that, I've paid a lot of money for my iPhone 4S and I don't want to see it become a brick that I can't use...

So I honestly hope that this gets sorted out soon before either Apple or Android become a thing of the past...

Luke has joined the Apple Revolution- with a Macbook Air

Some will be high-fiving me for seeing the light. Others will protest that I have joined the dark side. Whichever it is, I have indeed caved in, and purchased a brand-spanking new Apple Macbook Air.

The particular Summer 2012, 13-inch model I have selected boasts an Intel i5 Dual Core 1.8Ghz processor, a 128GB solid state drive, a modified 8GB of DDR3 RAM, 2 USB 3.0 ports, a Thunderbolt port, SD card slot, a front-facing webcam and Mac OS X Lion- with the option to get an upgrade to the upcoming flavour Mountain Lion for free-99 when it lands later this month. It's sleek, stupidly thin and incredibly light. All techno-babble aside, it's a very nice laptop- and I don't think that even the biggest Mac critic can deny it.

I often said I would never get a Mac, because they're overpriced, under-specced and largely incompatible in a world dominated by Windows PCs. So, why the sudden change of heart?

Well, first of all, I work as an IT support technician on a service desk, and while uncommon, we do every now and then take calls from Mac users who need technical support- and I have to say, I usually don't have the slightest idea how to deal with them. So, I am soon to start training for an exam which, once passed, will qualify me as a certified Apple support technician. So, this Macbook Air will see some use at the office.

Secondly, I've been looking for a long time for a good, truly portable computer with solid performance. I've owned a Windows netbook for a couple of years which I have since come to realise is actually quite feeble and disappointing, and I hate laptops- they're often too big, too heavy, ugly or lacking in performance. The Macbook Air, however, is ultraportable and pretty darn quick- not to mention it's pretty for a computer. Yes, it's expensive, but I feel that all of it's combined qualities make it worth the money. This is also the first fully fledged computer I've ever purchased myself.

Lastly, while I've had the odd occasion to mess with it, I've never really had a good, prolonged opportunity to use Mac OS X, an operating system which seems to be well put together, and lacking in a lot of the bloat and junk that Windows is notorious for.

So, my first impressions? I've probably still got the rose-tinted glasses on, but I love it. It's light, super-fast, quiet and a pleasure to use. Money well spent if you ask me.