Last month I was very lucky and was given a DSi XL for my birthday. I love it like I would love my newborn child, but there’s just one thing wrong with it. When I got it, it came preloaded with Brain Training: Arts Edition. As I only had one other game with at the time, I played Brain Training for a few days but then after a while I got bored. Plus I bought other; let’s face it, more entertaining games. (Yes, like Cooking Mama. Don’t judge me).
So what? Well, the problem is if you ever come back to it, the game tells you off for not playing it. If you’re me, you then start feeling guilty about not playing it, and start thinking, what if my brain really is about to rot because I won’t train it? What if I get a brain age of 60? Will I die?!
This has become a... thing with recent game releases, something Nintendo especially is guilty of. You can’t just pick up a game anymore, enjoy it, then leave it alone again and get on with your life. They’re needy and whiny like a clingy child, asking ‘Where are you? Why aren’t you playing with me?’ if you walk away from them for more than five minutes.
The other major offender is Wii Fit. I had a go on someone else’s copy once, then apparently when they’d boot it up again later, it’d ask, ‘Where’s Voni? We haven’t seen her around lately.’ Go away! Maybe I’m out enjoying my life, possibly even working out in a real gym! Ok, that’s not likely. My point remains the same, though.
Even games like Nintendogs are a nightmare, because they work in real time. At first it’s all fun and giggles, but then you realise you have to come back later to feed them. And again. And again. Soon the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night is tend to the little digital gits, because if you don’t and they go hungry you’ll feel as guilty as when your Tamagotchi died.
It’s not just Nintendo though. Zynga, the mighty Facebook gaming overlords have this down to an exact science. Take Farmville, for example. You can plant your crops and they’ll grow within a certain time frame, say 2 hours. However, if you leave them for another 2 hours after they’ve finished, they’ll wither and die, making them useless. This is why everyone’s addicted to the game; it’s because they’re all sat glued to it in case they lose out!
Of course, I can’t mention gaming jobs without mentioning MMPORGs like World of Warcraft. I’ll be honest, I haven’t played it, but from what I’ve seen and heard, you just sit and grind levels until you hit level 70 (or is it 80 now?) and then... what? Do you start all over again? And pay for the privilege?
Ok, so gaming has always been about keeping you plugging in money to the arcade machine or continually buying new instalments of the same game. The industry is after your money, we all know it. But it’s never been so blatant about keeping you playing before, has it? Well, I’m not giving in. The Brain Training game keeps blinking at me from my DS menu, displaying the amount of times I’ve played it in its little thumbnail image. I’m not kidding, it actually does that. I’m not giving in though. I’m not playing it. If my brain needs any more training, I’ll join a night class. Pah.
-Friday Voni
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