The craziest Portal 2 conspiracy theories

Obviously, the following is going to contain big, fat spoilers for anyone who hasn’t played Portal 2 yet. So you know, go do that. Because it’s awesome.

Right, now they’re gone, let’s get stuck in. I know I promised to stop ranting about the game, but I started replaying it the other day, so, er... no. I got back into the Steam forums too, to play a game of ‘spot the insane conspiracy theory’. You should try it sometime, it’s highly amusing. People LOVE to read too much into things. With that in mind, let’s see the craziest theories I’ve come across...

Cave Johnson was going to be an AI

http://tinyurl.com/43h3tvu

Ok, in fairness, this isn’t technically crazy, but it just goes to show how hungry Portal fans are for extra information on the game. This fan has dug deep into the game files and has come up with unused script for Cave Johnson, which implies he would have been an AI trapped in a cube you would have come across in the old Aperture Laboratories.



There’s only a few lines of dialogue, but it seems as if instead of the scene where PotatOS automatically reacts to Cave’s recording, she actually reacts to him in person, as it were. If you read it for yourself, it’s easy to see why it was chopped out. While Cave as an AI would have been a cool idea (and climbing over his corpse a suitably grisly way to escape the test), it was too obvious. Having Cave blurt out, ‘Hey, you’re Caroline! Don’t you remember?’ would have sucked.

The Rat Man escaped to the moon

http://tinyurl.com/3utny8n

Yes, this is a theory. Anyone who played the first game and read the ‘Lab Rat’ comic available on the official site will feel pretty sorry for the guy. Having escaped GlaDOS’s initial killing spree, he found himself having to wander the facility for years, subsisting on foraged food and going slowly insane. It’s not pleasant.

Which is, why some say, he escaped to the moon. The main evidence seems to be this picture.



The theory goes that he sat in the room with the first portal gun, waiting for the moon (hence the phases of the moon drawn on the ceiling) so he could shoot a portal onto it, running through the readymade orange portal and escaping, only to send back the picture of the Companion Cube on the moon’s surface.



That’s all very well and good... but did any of you think how he would BREATHE there? Hmm.

Cave and Caroline are Chell’s parents

http://tinyurl.com/4yp7ds7

Ohhh, this is a biggie. You may well have heard of it already (it’s been repeated on several gaming sites), but it bears repeating.

Basically, several tidbits from the game have been brought together to prove something that doesn’t seem quite plausible. First, there’s the potato experiment that bears Chell’s name:



Ok, makes sense so far. It explains how Chell got there, as a child of an employee. There’s an idea that her dad must be high up, because the experiment lists a ‘secret ingredient from Daddy’s work’.

Then, we notice that Chell’s surname is redacted in the comic, although none of the other test subjects are. Weird, but we still don’t see it.

Then, we’re shown this picture:



Apparently, Cave and Caroline are clearly an item because a boss and his secretary (even a respected one as Caroline is) would never pose like that, apparently. Then, somehow, the massive leap is made that CAVE must have been Chell’s dad! Which means Caroline is her mum! ZOMG!

Ok, there’s the fact the turret opera sings to her as ‘My Child’ as she’s leaving, but come on. Really? REALLY?

The entire game mirrors Greek myth

http://tinyurl.com/3jcpe48

Otherwise known as ‘the one that actually kinda makes sense’.

In Portal 2, at one point you can find and rescue what is known as the ‘Oracle Turret’. Instead of the usual dialogue, it spouts predictions at you (Hearing it say ‘Get mad!’ in its squeaky voice is possibly one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard). At one point, it talks about the legend of Prometheus, who was cast into a pit and pecked by birds.

Sound familiar?



That’s not all. A fan has drawn up a list of all the similarities, both in character and plot. You can find it here: http://tinyurl.com/3nl4t24.

It’s interesting to read, because instead of tenuous links (see Cave and Caroline are Chell’s parents theory), it all makes some sense.

Also interesting to note is the face hiding in the ‘Portrait of a Lady’. Look at it above, can you see it hiding at the left of the frame? Apparently that’s Aeschylus, who wrote ‘Prometheus Bound’. Well I never.

Chell travelled back in time

http://tinyurl.com/3ucooqu

Ah. Crazy paydirt!

Someone on the forums has asked about this picture:



Basically, they don’t understand why it’s there because they can’t see where the red button is. That’s not where the crazy is. To find it, you need to scroll down a bit.
Forum user Whiplashr insists that the poster is proof that Chell, at some point, travels back in time to the 70’s and breaks into the then operational testing spheres.

Why? It’s obvious!

-Chell wore an orange jumpsuit in the first Portal.

-Chell has hair a bit like that, apparently (Note: She doesn’t).

-Chell went around barefoot in Portal, too.

-No one else would have been wearing an orange jumpsuit, so it must mean just her!

Oh dear, Mr. Whiplashr. You’ve added 2 and 2 and made 47. It’s just a poster. Valve aren’t trying to screw with you. Go outside, absorb some vitamin D or something. You’re scaring me a bit.