DON'T BE RACIST AGAINST COWS - a Lollipop Chainsaw review

Let’s talk about Lollipop Chainsaw, shall we? Chances are you’ve already made your mind up about it, one way or another. After all, it’s a game all about a zombie hunting cheerleader! You’re either going to love it or hate it, right?

Well, that’s kind of hard to say. I picked it up because I thought the idea of zombies exploding into rainbows and sparkles when they’ve been chainsawed to death was hilarious (yes, I’m fairly easy to please). I started playing and I just wasn’t disappointed.



The game centres around Juliet Starling, a high school cheerleader on her 18th birthday (very obviously mentioned so it’s ok to perv on her) who discovers her school’s been overrun by the undead. Luckily, she’s part of a zombie hunting family, so pulls out her chainsaw and begins mowing her way through them while declaring them ‘gross, undead DOUCHEBAGS!’

Joining her is her boyfriend Nick, sadly reduced to a talking head after Juliet was forced to decapitate him following a deadly zombie bite (probably best not to think about that too hard). He provides the straight man to Juliet’s ditzy, perpetual optimism. It’s actually rather funny to listen to them chatting as she’s slicing up the undead. ‘After this all over, we should come back and ride the cows!’ ‘Cows, Juliet?’ ‘OMG DON’T BE RACIST AGAINST COWS NICK!’

The juxtaposition of cheery cheerleader against decomposing zombies works really well most of the time. The zombies explode into the aforementioned rainbows and glitter when they die, and if you can slice up more than three with one swipe of your blade, you can activate ‘sparkle hunting’ for extra points. The addition of ‘Mickey’ by Toni Basil playing when you activate special attacks is also a nice touch.

I thought the obvious sexualisation of Juliet might be a sticking point, but most of the time it’s played purely for laughs, pointing out how absurd it is. The camera doesn’t miss an opportunity to disappear up her skirt or down her top, and Juliet herself pleads ‘Hey! Don’t look up my skirt!’ in the loading screens. What’s nice to see is that however hard the big bads are trying to get in her way, she always has a plan and is always in control. It’s all part of the joke.

So, nearly 400 words in and I haven’t mentioned the actual gameplay yet. Er, yeah, about that... there really isn’t that much of it. You run through six themed levels, swinging your chainsaw, and, er, that’s about it. Ok, so it’s broken up by several minigames, but for all it’s endearing quirkiness it’s not all that substantial. The story mode will take you five hours tops, and there’s a ‘ranking mode’ but honestly, there isn’t much replay value.

However, I’m willing to forgive a lot of this because it’s a refreshing change from the trend of super serious, brown games that are so popular right now. Lollipop Chainsaw is happy to point fun at everything, including itself, and is just a joy to look at as the screen explodes with rainbow colours after every decapitation. Under that is a surprisingly well written story of a teenage love affair, dealing with the boyfriend’s worries about meeting her family even as the world ends around them. I can’t help it, I really enjoyed it. If this sounds like your kind of thing, I highly suggest you grab it just for the experience.