The sat nav
I want to kiss whoever invented this thing. I would Google it and find out who it was, but I’m lazy. So there.
To say I have no sense of direction is an understatement to say the least. I can just about tell you what road I live on, for the love of God don’t ask me for directions or you’ll end up in Timbuktu or somewhere. It takes me about five goes at the same journey to even begin to memorize it. I am pretty much useless.
God bless you then, humble sat nav. You shout at me, telling me where to go, and if that wasn’t enough you even include a handy moving map with big ‘GO HERE STUPID’ arrows on it. Even though you go a bit mad sometimes, including the memorable incident where you tried to make me drive through a graveyard, I depend on you for direction-based existence. Please don’t break, or I’m screwed.
The kettle
The kettle! Without which tea would not exist! Ok, that’s an exaggeration, but have you ever drunk tea made with water boiled in a pan on the stove? I have, such is my tea addiction. And it was disgusting. I drank it anyway.
When we moved into this house, my first concern was procuring a kettle. Washing machine? Prfft. Microwave? Whatever. I NEED TEA. Mornings and writing sessions are unbearable without tea.
The internet
How did we, as a race, get anything done in the days before Google? I don’t know how the hell I would have completed my degree without it. Complicated theory put before you in a lecture? Wikipedia it!
Plus, it’s rendered phonebooks and 118 numbers useless. Why would I lug out a book or spend money on a phone call when I can just tap it into a search engine? I’m so much smarter now the internet exists! Hurrah!
And there’s the obvious, allowing me to write this blog. Even though I hate the word ‘blog’, it isn’t really a word at all. Plus, it’s associated with self absorbed time wasters... like... me...
Well, it’s either this or I stand on a street corner shouting at people about cats. It’s better this way, trust me.
The mp3 player
Pictured above: Voni's actual mp3 player. It does exactly as it's told, and cost about £12322 less than an iPod. Approx.
When I say mp3 player, I mean mp3 player. The world seems to have forgotten anything other than iPods exist. I hate iPods. For one thing, they’re grammatically incorrect.
When I was younger, I had a pair of old school headphones (literally, my dad had bought them when he was 18) that I sat and wore constantly plugged into my stereo. It meant that I never heard anyone knock on my bedroom door so I was constantly startled by people seemingly barging in, and if I accidentally tripped on the cord, the house would be blasted by Everclear at top volume. It was still awesome though.
Nowadays, I can wander around the house with my tidy little Creative Zen and listen to tunes to my heart’s content. I can even plug it into my car stereo! I love living in the future.
Glasses
Ok, maybe I could live without them, but everything would be a bit blurry round the edges. And that would suck.
