I don't want your virtual sheep

You might remember a few weeks ago I was talking about Zynga, and why they are pure evil and just waiting to try and steal your soul. It’s true. Maybe. Anyway, I also mentioned how I’d been slowly getting sucked back into Facebook gaming, such as it is. While I’ve kicked the Farmville habit (again), I’ve been on the lookout for more appealing games, which are out there if you’re looking for them.

We all know Facebook gaming is a big thing. Your mum might disapprove of your Mortal Kombat sessions, but she’s happy as Larry ploughing the virtual fields. Everyone and their dog are on Facebook these days, so of course the developers are falling over themselves to create games for it. There’s just never been a bigger market.



Interestingly, big name console and PC titles like The Sims and Cooking Mama are coming to Facebook in special ports. You will probably never hear from me again. Announcements like these seem to be heralding a new age of gaming, where gaming is accessible to anyone and everyone. That’s brilliant, and I’m all for it. However, I really hope that it won’t do what a few commenters are predicting, and take over ‘mainstream’ gaming. Here’s why:

One: They’re all the same!



You know I’m right. Yes, there’s a plethora of different themes and ideas, but they all come down to the same basic blueprint. You’re given a bit of ‘land’, quests/tasks/achievements (depending on your game) to complete, the option of buying upgrades and extras with variants on ‘coins’ and ‘cash’, and there’s always, but always, a list of your friends who are also playing across the bottom of the screen, along with an ‘invite’ button. ALWAYS.

Shouldn’t someone be suing over this?

Two: That sodding social aspect



Ok, that makes me sound like a shut in. I’m not. I think. Anyway, it’s good in theory. If you have one player, then that player can draw all their friends in, therefore making you more money. Yes, fine. It’s just; do you have to be so blatant about it? And persistent? It’s so annoying to open up a game every time to see a window yelling, ‘SEND A GIFT *coughadvertcough* TO YOUR FRIENDS!’ I will if I want to, ok? And not letting your players get certain expansions needed to carry on playing until they’ve roped a certain amount of friends in just sucks. Full stop. Pack it in.

Three: They just can’t compare to ‘mainstream’ games


Above: Simply Hospital, a Theme Hospital pretender.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they’re inferior, far from it. Just because they’re not my favourite doesn’t mean they aren’t valid games. It’s just that there’s no substance to them. That’s cool if you just want to fiddle about with them when you get in from work and too tired to contemplate the latest JRPG, but sometimes you need something you can get your teeth into, don’t you? A Facebook game, as well intentioned as it may be, can’t give you the immersion of a game, like, oh, let’s say Portal 2 for instance (I will shut up about it soon, I swear).

By pointing out these things, I’m not damning all Facebook games to a lifetime of abuse by mums and pre teen schoolgirls. Far from it. It’s another avenue into gaming, and is something that is obviously that is making the industry sit up and take notice. This is good, and I fully approve. Just please don’t send me any more sheep over it. Thanks.