Stuff you didn't know you wanted till now

STUFF! Everyone likes stuff. Especially when it’s cool stuff. I’ve rounded up some of the coolest geek stuff I’ve found on that there interwebs for your enjoyment, so wallets at the ready, yeah?

(Most of it I have admittedly found on Think Geek. Think Geek, open a UK warehouse or something would you? I want to throw all my cash at you and I can’t because of stupid import taxes. UGH.)

Lego Minecraft:

Starting as we mean to go on, let’s investigate Minecraft merch. Yeah, there’s lots of cool stuff, like the foam swords and pickaxes and the ‘diamond’ necklace (which I now actually own), but now there’s Minecraft Lego, complete with its own little Steve and even a Creeper!

You could build your own little land, then playact as Steve building his own village and periodically running away screaming when the creeper comes to mess up everyone’s day. Or is that just how I play it?

Portal 2 long fall socks:

I have this feeling I’ve covered these before, but I’m waaaay too lazy to check. Either way, don’t you want these? Obviously you’d never be able to do long falls for real (not without your shin bones shooting up through your ribcage, anyway) but you’d LOOK cool, and that’s what’s important. Fact.

Lightsaber:

Surely a must have for any Star Wars fan. They light up and turn off just like to lightsabers in the movies, and even make the hum noise when you swish it about while threatening the cat. Even better, they make the clashing noise when you hit something with it. I know this first hand as I bought Matt one a few years ago, and I was rewarded by being smashed in the head with it repeatedly. Thanks, dear.

Mockingjay pin:

As much as the love triangle plot of the Hunger Games series drives me crazy, I have to admit I love everything else about the books. There’s some cool movie merch out there, including recreations of the costumes and even a Hunger Games cookbook, but I like the pin the best. Buy it, stick it on your jacket and pretend to be a rebel. Good times.

Firefly posters:

In lieu of a real life browncoat (MAKE IT HAPPEN, SERIOUSLY), I’m going with these posters. They’d look so pretty in my house, if only I had wall space for them...
I have to ask though, why is there a tourism poster for Serenity Valley? Do people go there to imagine the severe PTSD the soldiers inevitably have? Whatever, it’s still pretty.

Red shirt:

Speaks for itself, really. There was a baby version, too, but it seemed unspeakably cruel.

Proclamation board:

Yeah, yeah, you can buy the wands and that, but I want THIS. I could hang it on the wall and write shouty notes on it.

NO ONE SHALL EAT THE LAST OF THE CHOCOLATE ON PAIN OF DEATH

THE SHOW ‘FRIENDS’ IS NOW BANNED FROM THE TV UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

NOTHING WILL BE BORROWED WITHOUT EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE OWNER, SO HANDS OFF MY STUFF

Ride In Dalek:

I don’t care that I’m way too big to fit in it, I NEED IT NOOOOOW.

Why, Star Wars fans?

Aaaaaaaaaarg.

It's Friday Voni here, Rich has asked me to fill in because him and Matt are off out to watch The Phantom Menace in 3D. I only just remembered I'd promised to do this now, because I was too busy watching old Kathy Griffin shows (DON'T JUDGE ME, she's hilarious and you know it).

On the subject of Star Wars, I want to ask all you fans something. As an outsider, I just don't get why you put up with this crap. They bring out the horrible prequels and you took it. Before they did that they brought out the Holiday Special, and you took it. Now there's the Blu Ray set so you can buy the whole series again just so you can watch the Ewoks blink. And now, they'll be releasing all six movies in sodding 3D which a) will look crap because it wasn't filmed for 3D, b) will stiff you for yet another cinema ticket for movies you've already seen, and c) will be awful because 3D is awful and we all know it.

Why are you putting up with this, fans? What is it? Does George Lucas have massive gambling debts that I'm not aware of that you've all committed to helping him pay off? Have you been brainwashed by the mighty power of the hideousness of Jar Jar Binks? What's going on here?

I mean, if they're going to bring out 3D versions of the movies, you'd think they'd at least start with the good ones.

I'm just saying.

*Prepares for avalanche of hate*.

And the geeks shall inherit Christmas

So it’s Christmas, and we all know what that means. I mean, apart from the annual turkey binge and booze festival. Christmas also means panic buying gifts for your kids, and every year there always seems to be a toy that becomes THE sought after present. If you investigate, it seems they aren’t all Tickle Me Elmos or Buzz Lightyears either. Let me give you the run down.


Dungeons and Dragons (1st Edition) – 1974

Yes, really.

If you need me to explain D&D to you, I really think you’re on the wrong website. The release of Dungeons and Dragons turned the roleplaying world upside down by introducing a fantasy setting to a normally wargaming based medium, and changed the face of gaming forever. Pretty much every RPG you’ll come across has some kind of basis in the game, and it’s left its mark all over popular culture.

We knew D&D was here to stay when in the 80’s, it was decried as dangerous and a risk to children’s fragile minds. You KNOW you’ve made it when people are protesting against you.


Pong - 1975

While Pong wasn’t the first computer game ever (that accolade goes to Computer Space), it was the game that basically fathered the entire video games market. Released as a home version exclusively through Sears in 1975, it was incredibly popular and the rest is history.

There isn’t much I can say about Pong that hasn’t already been said, but consider this: pretty much every household has some kind of gaming console, from the mightiest gaming PC to the iPhone. That wouldn’t have happened without this Christmas fad.


Star Wars – 1977

Well, of COURSE they sold well. Of COURSE.

Again, do I have to explain Star Wars? Really? Star Wars – A New Hope (although yes, I know, the subtitle wasn’t added till later) was released in May 1977, and by Christmas the stores must have been full of kids whining ‘But Muuuuuum, I waaaaaant it!’ every time they saw a Han Solo figure.

This was only the beginning, what with the two sequels, the prequel trilogy, the books, the video games, the animated work, and oh God my head, it asploded.


Rubik’s Cube - 1980

Hard to believe such a simple little toy could explode in the way it did. Designed by Erno Rubik in 1974 and licensed to Ideal Toy Corp in 1980, the cube practically is visual shorthand for the entire decade.

Let’s not forget the impact the cube has made, either. Still in production today, it is believed to be the best selling toy ever made. Competitions are held worldwide in order to find the fastest solver of the puzzle, and they show up all the time in TV and film as shorthand for a character’s intelligence. It even showed up in a Spice Girls video, apparently, but let’s not hold that against it.


Game Boy – 1991

Who doesn’t have fond memories of the original Game Boy? Released in Japan and the USA in 1989, and in Europe in 1990, the console was the first handheld to really grab gamers and persuade them that portable gaming was the future (something Nintendo is good at). I had one back in the day, and even when I look back and remember what a brick it was, and how tiny the screen was (not to mention it’s monochrome display), I still loved it.

The Game Boy went through several versions until it culminated in the creation of...


DS/DSi – 2004/2007

Can anyone imagine a time without the DS? From the original, bulky design to the newest 3D iteration, it really has been an innovation in gaming, handheld or otherwise. It was the first time a touchscreen had been used for gaming, and the idea has taken off like a rocket. I would hazard a guess that nearly every household contains at least one, as it appeals to such a wide market. I mean, I found out one of my grandparents has a 3DS the other day. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.


PS3 – 2006

The PS3 is notable in this list purely for the chaos it created. What with a delay in production of units, plus the PAL version not being ready until Spring 2007, demand was at an all time high. This culminated in people camping out in freezing conditions simply to get their hands on the console, and tensions running high. There were reports of robberies, shootings and full on fist fights in shopping malls. One report even tells of a punter spiking other customers’ coffee with laxative in an attempt to get his hands on the device. Blimey.

The PS3 was pretty much the dark side of Geek Christmas.


2011 - ?

So after all this, what’s up for Best Toy this year? Market research has suggested toys like the V-Tech InnoTab, an iPad like device for kids, will be popular. Apart from that though, there aren’t any really technologically minded toys in the list this year. The absence of the 3DS is especially conspicuous.

But what do I know? I’m an internet writer, not a marketing exec. Maybe that mental Doggie Doo toy will be victorious this year. If it, I’ve lost all hope for humanity. I’ll start digging that bomb shelter now.

Merry Christmas!