'Dear future glue sticks...'

This week I'm going to walk you through my experience of one of the latest games I've got my grubby mitts on. What is it, you ask? Well, behold:

OH GOD, THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE DEAD INSIDE.

Yes, for the princely sum of £1.99 (or 1p used) on Amazon, you too can own a copy of My Little Pony: Best Friends Ball. Would you want to? Well, it depends on how much you value your eyeballs.

It came in the post and I eagerly ripped it open and put it in my laptop, ready for candy colored equine goodness. So it starts up, and...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? FETCH THE SHOTGUN!

Yeah, Rainbow Dash is leaping around the screen banging on about a party and calling everyone 'darling'. Ugh. Ok, let's get going:

'Pick one'. Ok, do they have different magic powers? Is one an expert in weaponry? Oh, they're just different colours. Ok, then, sod it, I'll be Pinkie Pie. OH GOD SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE HAD A LOBOTOMY.

Then I'm taken to my house in Ponyville, which... I'm not sure what the purpose of it is, actually, apart from a base to send invitations to this ball thing. I decided to decorate it in the most clashing way possible, as protest.

Oh yeah, the invites. I decided to choose the most pathetic message possible, and then covered it in stickers so it looked like Lisa Frank threw up on a Barbie doll. Shame you couldn't write your own message. 'Dear future glue sticks, please come to my party or I'll kill a puppy.'

Right, off out for a stroll then. You can only move left or right, and when you meet another pony, that pony stands stock still and only their mouth moves, like a rudimentary puppet. It is very, very disturbing.

That is, until I accidentally clicked on a bush and that pony popped out, giggling 'tee hee, I'm hiding!' AAAARGGHH! What else is hiding in the scenery? Killer butterflies? Bunny rabbits wielding axes? Eep.

So I went into the cake baker's house, to, you know, make a cake. Then that happened. OH GOD, IT'S GOING TO EAT ME WHOLE.

Worth noting: When baking a cake, you can put mushrooms in it. THIS. EXPLAINS. EVERYTHING.

Given an opportunity such as this, usually I opt to write graphic swearwords, but I restrained myself this time.

DRESS UP TIME! I think my top hat is rather spiffing. It goes well with my tutu, at any rate.

So I wander up to the castle and no one's decorated it for the ball yet! What's going on here? Do none of these ponies have jobs to do?! I created a pony conga line in protest, and that's when my eyeballs started to bleed.

So should you play My Little Pony: Best Friends Ball? Well, it's cheaper than laser eye surgery.