Ubuntu - something a little different for your PC

First of all, if you don't find computers at all interesting, then you're probably not going to care much for this post. I'm sorry.

Now when it comes to technology I'm no hipster- it took me until only a couple of months ago to get a smartphone, and I generally just stick to using my PC for normal every day stuff- browsing the Web, checking Facebook and Twitter, blogging and playing the occasional PC game. I'm an IT technician for a living, so I'm not always enthused about coming home to mess with my own computer (and then potentially fix it afterwards).

However, when the curiosity gets to me, I do like to tinker- and my latest tinkering has been successful.

Ever get fed up of Windows? Ever wondered what it would be like to use a PC without Windows on it? Some of you out there may be smugly stroking a swanky Apple Mac with Snow Lion all nicely installed and working splendidly, but for jaded Windows users and those amongst us who can't afford/justify/find it  upon their moral compass to purchase a Mac, there is a free alternative in Ubuntu.

Even Zombie Outbreak works in Ubuntu! No excuse to not get it now.

Ubuntu is a community based project, an operating system built on Linux.

To put that in normal speak- it's like Windows, but not, because it's built using different programming. You may like it better because it looks different/nicer, because it doesn't crash every five minutes, and/or because it's free.

It's completely free to try and install, and there is a way to install onto your Windows PC as though it were just another program, so you could just remove it afterwards when you've had enough.

Click here to take an online tour, which gives you a feel for what using Ubuntu is like.

'Dear future glue sticks...'

This week I'm going to walk you through my experience of one of the latest games I've got my grubby mitts on. What is it, you ask? Well, behold:

OH GOD, THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE DEAD INSIDE.

Yes, for the princely sum of £1.99 (or 1p used) on Amazon, you too can own a copy of My Little Pony: Best Friends Ball. Would you want to? Well, it depends on how much you value your eyeballs.

It came in the post and I eagerly ripped it open and put it in my laptop, ready for candy colored equine goodness. So it starts up, and...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? FETCH THE SHOTGUN!

Yeah, Rainbow Dash is leaping around the screen banging on about a party and calling everyone 'darling'. Ugh. Ok, let's get going:

'Pick one'. Ok, do they have different magic powers? Is one an expert in weaponry? Oh, they're just different colours. Ok, then, sod it, I'll be Pinkie Pie. OH GOD SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE HAD A LOBOTOMY.

Then I'm taken to my house in Ponyville, which... I'm not sure what the purpose of it is, actually, apart from a base to send invitations to this ball thing. I decided to decorate it in the most clashing way possible, as protest.

Oh yeah, the invites. I decided to choose the most pathetic message possible, and then covered it in stickers so it looked like Lisa Frank threw up on a Barbie doll. Shame you couldn't write your own message. 'Dear future glue sticks, please come to my party or I'll kill a puppy.'

Right, off out for a stroll then. You can only move left or right, and when you meet another pony, that pony stands stock still and only their mouth moves, like a rudimentary puppet. It is very, very disturbing.

That is, until I accidentally clicked on a bush and that pony popped out, giggling 'tee hee, I'm hiding!' AAAARGGHH! What else is hiding in the scenery? Killer butterflies? Bunny rabbits wielding axes? Eep.

So I went into the cake baker's house, to, you know, make a cake. Then that happened. OH GOD, IT'S GOING TO EAT ME WHOLE.

Worth noting: When baking a cake, you can put mushrooms in it. THIS. EXPLAINS. EVERYTHING.

Given an opportunity such as this, usually I opt to write graphic swearwords, but I restrained myself this time.

DRESS UP TIME! I think my top hat is rather spiffing. It goes well with my tutu, at any rate.

So I wander up to the castle and no one's decorated it for the ball yet! What's going on here? Do none of these ponies have jobs to do?! I created a pony conga line in protest, and that's when my eyeballs started to bleed.

So should you play My Little Pony: Best Friends Ball? Well, it's cheaper than laser eye surgery.

Hand me that teapot cannon

Hey kids, it’s time for another edition of Voni Reviews Games You’ve All Already Played! This week, carrying on from my take on American McGee’s Alice, I will tell you all about Alice: Madness Returns.

Alice carries on a year after the events of the first game. Our hero is now living the Houndsditch Home for Wayward Youth under the care of Dr Angus Bumby, a man who attempts to treat his wards by hypnotising them into forgetting their past. This doesn’t work for Alice, so she falls into another psychotic episode, and goes back to Wonderland to discover what really happened the night of the fire that killed her family.

First things first: this game is SO. PRETTY. You explore larger than life dollhouses, steampunk factories, and a miniature oriental grove, complete with floating mah jong tiles acting as platforms. The whole time I was playing it I was gawping at the screen in wonder. Maybe it’s just being exposed to so many brown and grey games that are out there right now, playing in the Technicolor Wonderland is like feasting on a full roast dinner after living on bread and water. Awesome.



The gameplay itself is pretty much your basic 3D platformer. You jump to places, you collect things, you bounce off trampolines (mushrooms, of course, in this case). The jumping has improved from the last game, with the inclusion of the ‘twirl’ and ‘float’ manoeuvres (essentially a triple jump and a glide). However, Alice suffers for sticking so close to convention. After a while you’re wondering just how many more floating platforms can possibly be out there, and the inclusion of 2D levels set in Japanese scrolls or a game of hide and seek with a drunken octopus do break the tedium, but only barely.

The weaponry has much improved from the original game too. Wisely, the developers have scaled back the arsenal to six different items, including such items as a club like hobby horse, a teapot cannons that shoot boiling tea, and an umbrella that can be used to deflect attacks. This time around, it really does seem that your weaponry is actually causing your foes some damage, and the fights are frenetic and demented. However, whether you’re fighting homicidal dolls or playing card guards, the attacks always boil down to ‘keep shooting till the armour falls off, then shoot some more’. Shame really, as there was the potential there for some amazing combat. As it is, it’s just good.

And speaking of combat, where are the boss fights? There’s only one right at the end, and to be honest it’s kind of disappointing. Ok, this is kind of hypocritical when I was complaining about the game being too by the numbers a couple of paragraphs ago, but I can think of at least two that were very clearly set up and then abandoned at the last minute in cutscenes. You get the feeling they were chopped out at the last minute, and it’s a crying shame because they could have been amazing.

In the end, what kept me playing was the excellent storyline. Following Alice through Victorian London and contrasting her meagre existence to the beauty of Wonderland affected me more than I thought it would. Towards the end, the tale becomes incredibly grim and foreboding, and the ending, refreshingly, neither leaves the game blatantly open for a sequel, nor gives a straightforward answer to Alice’s fate. I think it might just be personal preference, but if I’m left wondering what has become of the characters after I’ve finished the game, I call that a success.

All in all, I really, really enjoyed Alice: Madness Returns. For all its samey gameplay there’s still tons of enjoyment to be had, and the storytelling is fantastic. It’s probably going cheap now as well, so you’ve got no excuse. Happy Friday!